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Pictures in Frames
As I amble through my days
people I love are no longer here,
but they frequently return to me
in unexpected moments
The memories often repeating
These keepsakes of them
alight in my thoughts
and find purchase in a smile
Keeping them close to me
on a cold seashore in winter,
in my dark hours with hit-and-run rain,
and in pictures in frames
still telling their stories
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Region & Country
San Francisco Bay Area - USA
Favorite Poets
Bukowski, Billy Collins, Ted Kooser, Haiku & Harvey Kurtzman (a visual poet, of sorts)
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Comments
Geezer
Wed, 2022-11-30 13:57
A little thing...
I'm sure, but I think that
I would change the 2nd verse to read:
The memories often repeating
with keepsakes of them
alighting in my thoughts
to find purchase in a smile
I find it interesting that many people use commas
at the end of a line, and not a full stop to indicate
where one sentence ends and another begins.
I did so love the line: "in my dark hours with hit and run rain."
~ Geezer.
.
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Michael Anthony
Tue, 2022-11-29 13:10
Thanks, as always, for
Thanks, as always, for sharing your thoughts and time Geez!
Interesting comment about commas though. This is not uncommon with many professional poets (not putting myself in this category by any means, but like Ted Kooser, et al), I use them as well when I feel a sentence or thought is connected (and sparingly if possibe, like much of my punctuation). Given this, I wonder if you'd feel the same way re-reading this with that in mind, or other pieces on the site or elswhere. Generally, if I start a line with capitalization this is a new thought or sentence (usually without a period).
Thank you for re-working the second stanza as a suggestion. I like it! Maybe like this though:
As I amble through my days
people I love are no longer here,
but they frequently return to me
in unexpected moments
The memories often repeating
These keepsakes of them
alight in my thoughts
and find purchase in a smile
Best
Michael Anthony
author commentGeezer
Tue, 2022-11-29 17:20
With the propensity...
for some people making each line in the poem a capital,
sometimes it is hard to figure where one line ends, and another begins.
I did as you suggested and find that it does read better.
As I always say; it is your work and I can only tell you how I might do it.
If you have better ideas because of something I showed or told you, I'm all for that.
Nice job! ~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Michael Anthony
Tue, 2022-11-29 19:01
Could not agree with you more
Could not agree with you more about capitalizing every line. I find it distracting, and it often leads to difficulty in discerning one's message in a poem if not done well. Maybe I should spend less time obsessing over assuming the writer wants the reader to find a specific message, and focus on the imagery journey or other elements of a piece. I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed, so I have trouble with interpretation and understanding when reading many well known poets, so there's that, LOL! Always enjoy chatting with you Geez - be well!
Best
Michael Anthony
author commentLavender
Tue, 2022-11-29 19:37
Pictures in Frames
Hello, Michael,
Your poetry is like meditation. I find myself on the cold seashore, wrapped in a blanket, waves rolling in, and I am no longer alone with memories, but with those I love.
Thank you,
L
Michael Anthony
Wed, 2022-11-30 11:17
Beautiful L, thank you. Best
Beautiful L, thank you.
Best
Michael Anthony
author commentGeezer
Wed, 2022-11-30 14:07
I think that...
if you concentrate a little more on the journey and the flow of ideas, how you get from one thought to the next, the rest will take care of itself. ~ Doing good, ~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Candlewitch
Thu, 2022-12-01 05:07
dear Michael,
I really like this poem. I loved the hit-and-run-rain line. ;) I find nothing to redo. good luck!
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Michael Anthony
Sat, 2022-12-03 10:15
Thank you for stopping by Cat
Thank you for stopping by Cat.
Best
Michael Anthony
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