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Phase II... Primal Poetry Phase II

Church darkened
Candles guttering
Coffins full
Spirits departed

Garden variety
Vegetable flowers
White butterflies
Good luck

Holes in the earth
Sandy soil
Wet and raining
Fade

French horns
Thrill me
Guitar's plaintive cry
Mixed pleasures

Swirling galaxies
We are apart
She understands
She doesn't like it

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Last few words: 
I did better this time. I waited until I was ready to write and succeeded in closing off the mind and letting it wander away by itself. I had successive dream movies and feel better about this one.
Editing stage: 
Workshop: 

Comments

we are reporters, not interpreters.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

for a truly frightening depth of raw honesty here?

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

On who's part? The reader or the writer?

Please acknowledge critique and comments.
They are a vital part of our community!
Critique or comment today!

author comment

my own deep dark shadows.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

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