Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Petals Of Thebes

The distant roar
of approaching storms
like a thousand wild hooves
thundering through her dreams
of ancient warriors
from another time
as she sleeps

Wandering through dusty castle corridors
leading only to dead ends
and almost forgotten loves
the petals pulled
from their stems
lay dying on the battleground
of memories

Hushed utterings
of regret
fill the ear splitting silence
with metamorphic color
while she is lulled

Torrents of blood
falling like rain
over broken lives and sorrows
footfalls keep beat
with a pounding heart
so she weeps
the bitter bile of longing

Where on these yellow pages is it written
all ends in happily ever after
only in some romantic novel
read over and over again

As the reel of a silent movie
comes to a close
with the ticking
of the films end
and she dies
once again

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

A farrier? lol I didn't know I had hooves
not only the nails but I have something going on with the nerves that cause a tremor in my hands
let me give the suggestion some thought. Thank you for your insight and reading I appreciate you looking over my work

Chrys

check out our chat room open to all 24/7

author comment

I love this almost Gothic style of work.
There are visions of huge, great castles and body littered
battlefields. Maybe just me, but I would use a question mark at the end of sentences as questions.
I don't think it hurts to do it and it certainly helps the reader to identify a question as they glance at the sentence.
Maybe at the last when she dies again, you could leave out the [and]? And it wouldn't hurt to put a mark to denote the films' possession.
Other than that, a superb write. ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

thaks for stopping in
the are no bodies only hearts

Chrys

check out our chat room open to all 24/7

author comment

just me. I saw bodies as the result for a battle for hearts. [You know me, always looking for the darkside]. ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

as always you are too kind thank you

Chrys

check out our chat room open to all 24/7

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.