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Percussive Dance

Spirited away
Disappearing into the ether
Behold
I am a bird from far off exotica
You
My beloved
Are but a bergamot
A sprout of the local flora

The ticker remains excitable
Habitually acting like a hyperactive simian
Ascending to the rooftops of euphoria
And plunging into the depths of ecstacy
Without rhyme or reason

Every moment its jubilant
Jovial in its composure
And it counts
Every beat
Every time
In a trance
1 2 3 4 5....
Culminating in a fantastic performance
of percussive dance

Your ferrous frame, body iron clad
Exudes an irresistible allure
Altering my personal magnetism
Attractive like a lure
Rejecting all suitors
I have rejected all
You are the one I was searching for
My one and all

A fleeting moment of peace
And in the next witness ire
The blood-room isn't just red
Keeps changing attire

Every moment its jubilant
Jovial in its composure
And it counts
Every beat
Every time
In a trance
1 2 3 4 5....
Culminating in a fantastic performance
of percussive dance

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How does this theme appeal to you?
Last few words: 
Dhating naach
Editing stage: 

Comments

Your writing is good and you have a great range of imagination.
Now it is for you to read and write on Neopoet there are some very learned poets here and I see that they commented on your first few works but your reply was lacking.
Now come on join in you can only learn from all the others but there must be communication.
There are workshops that you can attend and there will always be a welcome.
This piece needs a tidy and just a little thought on its portrayal to the reader.
Hope to see you more active, Yours Ian.T

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

To re-iterate Sparrow, you have posted 6 poems and given just one piece of feedback 6:1. The proportion should be at least 1:3. This is an interactive site, to give feedback you must also give it.
I know it's hard at first. Try just saying whether you like or dislike a poem and why.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

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