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PECANS
I recall climbing pecan trees
up limbs as far as I could go
cooled by a light late autumn breeze
with people standing down below.
Then like a squirrel I would shake
releasing mast into the air
( without a thought my perch might break)
in days of youth and thick brown hair.
Nuts ricocheted off their heads,
those below would dodge and scurry,
but they'd not curse, they'd laugh instead.
Their buckets filled up in a hurry.
All this so many years gone by,
too many of that crowd now gone
like fading contrails in the sky
or whisps of ground fog after dawn.
So here I sit at my sunset
in the late autumn of my life.
I'll join that crowd but not just yet
instead I'll turn and hug my wife.
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Ian.T
Sun, 2012-09-16 03:37
Stan
A lovely scene and can you send me some Pecan nuts as they are the best..
Your grand way of rhyme and can this old guy remember the word for it Ah! couplets is it, in this Stanza seems to have drifted a little, thinking of the very last line were we ??lol..
All this so many years gone by
too many of that crowd now gone
like fading contrails in the sky
or wisp's of ground fog after dawn
Take care my thoughts to you, Yours Ian.T
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
scribbler
Sun, 2012-09-16 09:17
Hi Ian
Won't be long until the pecans are ready to fall again lol. As to the rhyme drift, perhaps dawn and gone don't rhyme in your part of the world but in my dialect they are the same. Thanks for taking the time to drop by.........stan
author commentIan.T
Sun, 2012-09-16 11:48
Stan
I think it was sorrow that my dawns
have long gorn, that did it for me LOL
OK I read it with a drawl and it sounds just so,
this is poetic licence you know.
Now that the pecan's are about to fall,
And I wont be getting any at all.
I shall silently sob
and just say you did a good job.
Yours Ian.T
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
scribbler
Sun, 2012-09-16 14:26
Hi Ian
One of my problems with writing rhyme is that I have no idea how some words might sound in another dialect. And I will also be reduced to buying pecans as the trees in this poem were at parents' house which has been sold lol.................stan
author commentloved
Sun, 2012-09-16 10:21
it appears you r nearin the dawn so keep hugging as
all your brown long hair are gone
like the one in that picture
the name you know
SAMSON you and Dillilahahahah... she..
like fading contrails in the sky
or whisps of ground fog after dawn
beautiful way of fading away
all poets including me shall willingly follow you..
Stan you the only born one
MAN!!!
loved
scribbler
Sun, 2012-09-16 14:30
Hi loved
Hair was never long but it Was thick lol. Now the only place hair is thick is nose and ears lol. I reckon I Have been writing a bit too much lately about getting old. I'll try different subjects soonest............stan
author commentloved
Mon, 2012-09-17 00:36
the return
the return
I just managed to return from past the grave
they planned to bury,
well perhaps, me
I found twas too lonely
in the forest
even though the cemetery was on the highway...
too deep
so scary and cold
and left all alone with a hope
someday my spouse may join me,
I returned home
with a spark afresh
come friends have a drink and join me,
for the life I now do not wish to abandon
my, it’s too miserable out there
how will I alone manage my hair?
loved
Ian.T
Mon, 2012-09-17 03:17
Loved
Your reply to Stan is the same as your entry to the stream, now come on sort out your cut and paste, you have wasted a while for me to see the comments and there it is your poem again.
I hope to see a different comment on some of the pieces I put on stream.
We do read many pieces each day, and trawl the undiscovered words as extra when time permits, now come on sort this out lol,
Yours Ian.T
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
loved
Mon, 2012-09-17 03:23
lol
only once in a way
not all are like you
heare==two words
here and hear haah
only one or two odd
read
so lolololol
very good message you give for futury
loved
Ian.T
Mon, 2012-09-17 03:32
Loved Thank you
We read of you and by you, then sometimes we write of you,
Take care and note lol talk to you soon, Yours Ian. Coffee
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
Arrow
Thu, 2014-06-26 19:40
Warm, comforting
*with poeple standing down below - "people" spelling
*Nuts rain down upon their head - I think this should be "rained" to keep it all in the past tense.
"Whisp" - I have never seen this spelling - wisp?
Three "autumns" is one too many autumns for me. I might change the title to just "Pecans"; pecans remind me of autumn anyway. This poem reminds me of Thomas's Fern Hill. I have read your poems for a few years now and tend not to comment because there is not much to suggest but I have always enjoyed them.
scribbler
Thu, 2014-06-26 20:08
hello
I'm always a bit surprised when a minor edit puts something back atop the stream and it gets a new comment lol.
Now for a real shocker, I almost NEVER change a title but your suggestion makes too much sense to ignore it so I'm gonna change this one.As to other spots you found I'll edit them in except maybe whisp which was misspelled on purpose in order to draw the sound out.
And now you tell me the only way to get you to comment is to make mistakes? lol, you're not paying attention because mistakes are my second cousins lmao. But seriously I'm always glad to know you've dropped by. Now off to edit...........stan
author commentArrow
Sat, 2014-06-28 17:21
Hahaha - duly noted!
I guess I'm just from the school where one only received feedback if correction were needed (The "You're still employed here, aren't you?" school of management feedback.) I'll make it a point to comment more frequently.
scribbler
Sat, 2014-06-28 18:48
we must have gone to the same school.........
But we can always grow beyond our beginnings I reckon lol........stan
author commentCandlewitch
Mon, 2022-03-14 09:56
Just lovely, Stan...
keep a good hold on Susan, as she is your most precious treasure :)
when we lived in Georgetown Texas, we had a pecan tree in our side yard. and a kidney shaped pool in our backyard. I remember our beautiful Pecan tree better than the pool. thanks for returning this memory to me!
*hugs, Cat
*
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
scribbler
Tue, 2022-03-15 10:15
Hi Cat
yep I don't know if I'd want to go on if I lost susan. I am pleased to have brought back some good memories for you
author commentCandlewitch
Tue, 2022-03-15 10:33
I know...
exactly what you mean. I feel the same about Steve.
*hugs, Cat
*
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.