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PEACE AND STILL

Peace, still
Quench the fire in my eyes
Peace, still
Fight the horrors that I see.

Peace, still
Calm tornadoes in my mind
Peace, still
Take the monsters from my dream.

Peace, still
Take Gloria from my mind
Peace, still
Bring Bibiana to my arms.

Peace, still
Take a woman from my heart
Peace, still
Hold back when I seem to drift.

Peace, still
Lead my paths, I close my eyes
Peace, still
Take me to a silent deep.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

I don't believe we've met before, so welcome to Neopoet.
I like the refrain in your piece, however the ending is a bit pessimistic,
I'd suggest something like
"take me to the glorious heaven"
just an opinion, the choice is yours, always.
Thanks for sharing.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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Lately I'd been feeling suicidal... There are times I want to take my life but a sudden reason pops up to make me live. The last stanza reckons the serenity and peace of death... And the Heaven's? I'm not religious... Except tthat's used figuratively...

Hommies

author comment

listen good man! You got a computer I sent you coming any day, and i'll checking around to present your work to a college admission program. So you better get the idea out of your head. I don't know you, you don't know me, but I know you through your poems and you got a lot ahead of you. You need some structure, and you should also write prose because that's what will make you as a writer first. Soyinka was a play writer first. You should be focused on being the best writer you can be and get the fucking idea of suicide out of your head!
Dude, really! you gotta friend.
..

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

In hard cover, wrote with a pen, just to edit and organize the soft copies...

Hommies

author comment

This is a great devise, and just the right lenght.

Not sure of 2 things. The title, the "and" confuses me. also, in a poem with a more public stance,

Peace, still
Take Gloria from my mind
Peace, still
Bring Bibiana to my arms.

This stanza follows two stanzas of universals, horrors and monsters in the human condition. The desire to switch girlfriends or lovers seems a bit too personal and out of place.

You bring a power to most of your poems that I really think is great, finding nice devises to express them.

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

Gloria is a late childhood friend and I guess lover that had an unfortunate ddemise. And Bibiana is a girl tthat sometimes think I rrevered the dead more than the living...

Hommies

author comment

Suicide is a false lover. As to the poem I'm not a free verse guy but each time I read "peace still" I wanted it to read " peace stillness" But that's just my opinion......stan

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