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Pause of Breath

Submitted by swamp-witch on Mon, 2014-02-10 01:40

inhaling light as air
picking Lichenroot there on her walk

insect-lonely,
she watches the stiff verdant boughs
lit by dawn beneath the wild rose sky

tonight she’ll warm Moonhoney
in her brew of Lichenroot and Whispergrass
and finally exhale

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
I need a title for this! I made the bare bones of this poem with a magnet poetry game and then edited it and made additions. It's still very rough, but the idea is that this is a peek into a fantasy world. It may become part of a novel/novella I hope to write one day, called Full Moon Tea.
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Ian.T

Mon, 2014-02-10 03:38

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Walk with us, taste the things we do, sip the honey we collect from nectar ripe blooms,
Watch us while we drift as gossamer threads on soft evenings breeze.
Reach out to touch us as we float amongst the trees.
Then believe that in your thoughts there is our world, as in your dreams it becomes unfurled.
Just believe and we will be there, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

swamp-witch

Wed, 2014-02-19 22:40

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Thank you for always walking with me!

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William Saint George

Mon, 2014-02-10 10:00

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Full Moon Tea works as a title for me.

No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot

http://www.wsgeorge.com/

Seren

Mon, 2014-02-10 10:22

Seren's picture

I can find nothing to suggest but the title, one that comes to mind for me was " under a wild rose sky"

just one title let me know if you want more suggestions titles seem to come easy for me (mostly) lol

love and big hugs JC xxx

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

William Saint George

Mon, 2014-02-10 10:29

William Saint George's picture

Full Moon Tea works as a title for me.

No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot

http://www.wsgeorge.com/

Race_9togo

Fri, 2014-02-14 01:19

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Just a sip of moon
a little sip of dawn
sipping dawn
another breath

Title should be short and swwet, like the poem.

Most excellent

Respectfully, Race

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

swamp-witch

Wed, 2014-02-19 22:41

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I still haven't settled on a title, but I thank you all for the suggestions!

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wesley snow

Fri, 2014-02-14 19:09

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I like it. I don't understand all of it, but I like it. And as for a title... I usually name mine after the poetic form. I'm very bad at it.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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Seren

Sat, 2014-02-15 08:27

Seren's picture

Wow there are some great title suggestions above hun ignore mine, I had to come back for a second read, look forward to hearing from you soon ;)

love JC xxx

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

alidzain

Sat, 2014-02-15 08:37

alidzain's picture

I second William's opinion! Full Moon Tea is the best title for this piece

Alid

swamp-witch

Wed, 2014-02-19 22:44

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I have put a little thought toward the story itself (the one that this poem is a part of) and I have decided for certain that the tea in this poem is not the same as Full Moon Tea, which will be a entirely different tea in the story. I will keep trying to find something I am happy with, though!

Thanks again, everyone.

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Roscoe Lane

Thu, 2014-02-20 03:55

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Tea zing brew, hope it works for you. Love Roscoe..

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

wesley snow

Thu, 2014-02-20 11:10

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What honey?
Oh.
Never mind.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
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Esker

Sun, 2014-03-23 01:14

Esker's picture

raised free range chickens
walked to town with a bag of money
change with a drawstring
too poor for a horse
chose the furthest from the road
a cedar for gathering its gift
to steep in a tea..always putting
down tobacco

kept tea in a tin and food in jars
swam in the spring fed ponds
and watched minnows when told
to do so...not a corner to think
to settle...but a looking pond
to reflect not just the cumulous
but beneath the surface
the quiet insect songs
in the air and the minnows
in their world

this poem makes me remember
blueberries not in a plastic container
but plentiful at times
an effort and time in solitude
growing free

time is the reward i see this now
thinking of this..
tea from davids tea
an expensive store in the mall
i pass by..
but there is much offered in nature
the medicines
the gathering
the patience
to sit and enjoy

i had forgotten this

i greatly enjoy this poem
because i can see my own
experience in relation

i remember picking sweetgrass
and its preparation
the aroma and purifying smoke
rising to the creator

its okay to buy what we need
today...im over my ages ago
issues on it for myself...

but now reading your poem
i remember something
good...

i have some tea someone
shared with me in a jar
waiting for tomorrow
to take that pause

thank you swampwitch

raj

Sun, 2014-03-23 05:51

This is a poem where the poet allows the reader the freedom to discover the title for themselves because it has so many lovely lines. each a title unto themselves....thanks for posting..

raj (sublime_ocean)

swamp-witch

Sun, 2014-03-23 18:16

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I think I'm happy with the title, for now at least. :)

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