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Pathetic

Pathetic…

It’s very difficult to comprehend,
man’s reckless greed that will not end
If there’s a fight that we must win,
it’s one that lurks beneath our skin.

Consumption becomes our alter ego,
feeding this beast becomes a quest.
Around this planet devouring we go,
the strongest demanding all that’s best.

They construct an army in our name,
soldiers of fortune or maybe not.
Lead by those in power just the same,
lest our positions ever be forgot.

Inside insidious minds plans are hatched
to collect the wealth from any source.
The army in our name is soon dispatched,
murdering whoever deflects their course.

We stand by like the hungry knaves,
or fearful little mites not rocking the boat.
Syrupy television within wooden caves,
hold fast ambitions while the wealthy gloat.

So it’s under our skin this fight begins,
in our make up or technically it’s genetic.
Next time you confess to your ungodly sins,
let him know, it’s not your fault you're pathetic.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
How very true about us.....
Editing stage: 

Comments

I haven't got the last stanza L 3 especially.
I think you mean "you're" pathetic in the last line.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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Thank you Rula, i've made the change suggested. Love Roscoe..

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

author comment

Powerful, passionate and punchy! Who would not agree with the contents of this poem! :) It's a problem that's been going on for thousands of years! Phaff

Your rhyme is great ( except the first stanza is different - unless I'm missing something ) it's a mistake easily made ( done it myself on many occasions ). Hard to correct though! Of course you may have intended it that way - in which case my apologies.

I also agree with Rula - did you mean "you are pathetic"?

Loved the subject - it's one after my own heart and I suspect many other peoples.

Love Mand xxxxx

Thank you Mand for your time and comments, the first verse was meant as a hook so to speak. Love Roscoe..

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

author comment

agree with the message. love this one.

Alid

Thank you Alid for your time, i'm glad you enjoyed this poem. Regards Roscoe...

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

author comment

love the message. a stark reminder of a constant power struggle that's all too real. my only suggestion is to change "begins" to something like "lies" in the first stanza. i like this one :)

mag

Thank you mag, and yes it's all too real i'm afraid. Went to make the change you suggested, and then thought of (lurks beneath) instead, hope you think this is ok. Love Roscoe...

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

author comment

lurking, even better :)

Glad you agree, thanks again .Love Roscoe...

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

author comment

Such a beautiful and touching poem.

Åłåńå Fłøręš

Thank you for your time and kind words. Love Roscoe...

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

author comment

i really like it
rhyme is great, so is the rhythm, mostly, but i think the last three stanzas could do with a tad edit, just to even up the meter

- lol you know me :)

love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

Thank you, and i'll have a look again at the verses you pointed out. It's great to hear from you, Love Roscoe....

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

author comment

hello mate long time no speak, I totally agree with the message and the above comments, I think like Judy the meter could be tidied up but all in all its a solid write with a honest message that's easy for the reader to comprehend some poems I read (sometimes my own lol) I find it hard to get the message, but then sometimes its not about the message is it ? its about the feeling etc. but then again its still the story isn't it, sorry I am rambling a little this is the first poem I've commented on in quite some time lol thanks for your patience while I get back into the groove, its very lovely to read you again.

much love Jayne x

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

Thank you for commenting, it's great to have your thoughts on my work. Love Roscoe.

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

author comment

i've working on our official blog, so...would you mind if this poem was featured as a "teaser?" that means that part of your poem would be posted (with credit to you of course) along with a link redirecting the viewer back to neo in order to read the rest of it. give it some thought and let me know.

mag

Of course and thank you, Love Roscoe...

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

author comment
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