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A Pastoral Symphony
A Pastoral Symphony
Sustained by sunlight, gentle rain,
rosebushes grow in my flower garden.
At dawn I listen to the rising breeze softly
whispering in the foliage; I reflect on all
my unfulfilled wishes and rueful entreaties
that had come to naught. But my seemingly
fragile will is resilient, like the dew-glistening
spider web that entraps hapless small prey.
Here, in this nature spot, I find my haven
where I feel free of care.
I welcome the morning tranquility, pleasantly
enhanced by a lark’s cheerful song
as she glides high above the nearby canal
that shimmers in the rising sun’s
bright-golden gleam. Human din does not
yet permeate this peaceful haven as I absorb
my early backyard mockingbird’s cheerful
imitation of various bird songs.
It’s early evening; I hear distant church
bells toll the vesper hour. Slowly, darker clouds
drift in. Once again, breezes move
through my rosebushes and nature’s creatures
listen to the faint rustling of leaves.
Through my screen door I faintly hear
a recording of a great master’s Pastoral
Symphony; a perfect ending for this day.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Direction):
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Editing stage:
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Comments
scribbler
Fri, 2017-07-28 16:34
hello!
Sounds like a soothing place to be. Now...bright-golden....this seems to me a bit too much imagery. Perhaps either choose one or the other or find a single word that describes both. Enjoyed the garden.....stan
Eumolpus
Fri, 2017-07-28 20:33
a difficult task
Composing poems about being in the glory of nature and just feeling at peace...that's tough. Much easier to tackle death and shipwrecks. So I appreciate the effort to share the moment.
As Weirdelf has taught me, we can put a poem to the the prose test..in this work, it does seem to work:.
Human din does not yet permeate this peaceful haven as I absorb my early backyard mockingbird’s cheerful imitation of various bird song.
My suggestion is to use music of words via rhyme and meter and/or find the most moist words and images when writing a poem like this. For example perhaps to rework "faint rustle of the leaves" or "cheerful song" more unique. I encourage myself and other pots to use the thesaurus constantly, I try not to settle until you found something feels right to you (without over using it so it becomes clumsy)
I found in my own work that peacefulness can create a train of consciousness in the form of a poem, but is often more like a journal entry. So I try to make it a sonnet, or focus on one aspect of the perfect day which is not so perfect, to add a minor key. The master did include a a big thunderstorm in the symphony!
Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings
Ali Zonach
Sun, 2017-07-30 08:20
Scribbler and Eumolpus,
I nearly forgot to thank you for looking into my narrative write. Since it lacks the appearance of a contemporary free-verse, I might just turn it into a prose poem, or file it under "incomplete," lol.
Thanks, gentlemen, Ali
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