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The Past Hisses Angry sounds

I am the battered shore

On which the hurricane pounds

The future roars an awkward tune

The past hisses angry sounds

The smoke through which I breathe

Kills me, each breath, each time

Angles seem off and twisted

Life refuses to accept the rhyme

I am aching and uncertain

Banging time on my brass drum

Celebrating each grand an elegant loss

And the storms yet to come

I am the battered shore

0n which the hurricane pounds

I roar in mute defiance

The past hisses angry sounds

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Excellent work. I would have preferred to have read it in verses, but reading it aloud takes care of that. Succinct, powerful, very, very good.
Keep them coming.

Respectfully, Jim

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author comment

which makes the piece so good! Your rhyme is simple but effective and you didn't drag it on and on. I think you forgot to end the word [an] with a [D] in the line; "Celebrating each grand an[d] elegant loss. All in all, a really good poem! ~ Geez.
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Thank you for the insights, yes I need to add a d lol

author comment

Thank you for the comments

author comment

I'm not going to even pretend I understand this poem. The only thing I see is anger

Chrys

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