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THE PASSION OF CHRIST

I share in the agony of children with swollen stomach. Flies in their eyes, needles in their side. Their shirts belowing like tattered kites in the sky.

That waited for the sunrise, eyes glued to the sky. They prayed, we prayed, each man in his own way. Yesterday we slept with fire in our bellies.

No star gazes from the eastern window. The fire of hope is extinguished. We are left to die, tomorrow reeks of the same odour.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

I thought this is really touching. It almost put tears in my eyes. Through your words I could picture the destitute children around the word.
However, I can't see how possibly the title is related.

I really like lines length and thought the language is excellent.
Thank you for sharing.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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agreement with Rula about the title, but also share her emotional reaction to this poem. My one criticism is that the word you are looking for, is: billowing instead of belowing . Made me tear up. ~ Geezer.
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Honest critique and comments shouldn't hurt.
It's why we are here, to get better at our craft.

Your work is raw, painfully so. I noticed you wrote this a few days after Easter. Am I assuming correctly that "...waited for the sunrise" and "...fire of hope is extinguished" are references to Christ rising in the east and then the horrible realization that nothing changed after all? This is the way your poem speaks to me, and your title chills me. Not so much because of what was expected from the Resurrection, but what should have been expected from mankind. I am humbled by your poem.
Thank you,
Lavender

You got me, the futility of religion and the celebration of a myth inspired this work

Hommies

author comment

What has the phoney Jewish prophet J. Christ got to do with starving children? If he ever existed (which he obviously didn't) then he showed no interest in the subject.

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