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The Passing Star (an opus one)

You wander as a passing star
high above, beyond all earthly care;
I knew you in our younger days
when we were lovers, long ago.

In the park, beneath shade trees,
the golden daffodils once bloomed,
but that was many years in the past,

and they no longer sway and bow
in a warming summer breeze. Autumn's
chilly winds took their bloom and scent,

and now, Death’s even colder hand
took away your breath and clutched
your slowly beating--and then silent heart.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

and poignant. Your language use is clear and you pass from the memory of summer's daffodils, to the chill wind of Autumn effortlessly, with the end result of death being no surprise. I'm not thrilled with your title, but have no suggestions as of now.~ Geezer.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

I will look into a different title. Thanks.

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