Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

A Passing Fancy (by eddy styx)

A Passing Fancy (by: eddy styx)

I note her
from across the room,
unobtrusively
gliding on over.
seeing her up close,
she appears as sweetness
peaches and cream.
however the nearness of her
presence,
exudes a warning
dispelling her facade.
unintentionally, our eyes meet
for a moment time stops.
I shudder as
evil pours forth
wafting in the air.
leaving the party
my arm brushed against hers
I swear I heard a hiss!
perhaps a premonition?
waiting in the darkness
for her to make her exit
I pull my collar up
around my ears, against the cold.
when she does depart,
with tipsy male escort,
whose' eyes are on her cleavage
his hands on buttocks, roundly
of which she does mildly protest.
close, but not too close
behind them in their drunken stroll,
they finally reach their destination.
I take up a spot in the shadow of a tree
listening to her rebuke and refusal of his advances,
a stinging slap across his face is all he can take.
watching him stumble away down the street
I wonder if he will take the blame for
the corpse they will find in the morning?

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

A fitting end for the bitch!
How dare she lead him on like that?
Your title is great!

You have a couple of typos that I would like to see fixed:

presence
unintentionally

Otherwise a great tale! ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

I appreciate the time you spend critiquing and reading (reverse those two words, LOL) I feel lazy today!

*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

As it seeps into the erotic and then the twist the vamp who steals your lover under your knows. Who the corpse refers to I'm not sure. This surely is an Eddie Styx write not a Cat write I know there is a difference and no bad thing dear poet. Again I'd like to know the background or your intention while writing I can't fault this narrative poem regards John :)

I am so glad that you can sort it out between Cat and myself. I do all the things that she cannot. I can speak my mind in my poetry. however she is getting better, due to my prodding. also I punish the wicked. she just yells at them, lol!

ever, eddy

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

It still surprises me, how you send that shiver of horror down my spine each time Eddy steps out of the darkness to ooze back into my consciousness.
I have no criticism, just a vast enjoyment of this piece.
One or two spelling errors, is all.
Most excellent. And I don't usually even LIKE horror.
Well done.

Respectfully, Race

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

Glad to see you about. What a wonderful tale and spot on observation. The ending was fitting for such a bitch. A real pity her drunk escort was the last to see her alive....

~RoseBlack~

it is really great to see you again. we hope to see and read more of you soon. we love your poetry!
thanks for reading my poem and commenting!

ever, eddy
*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

Can't wait for your next write.

~RoseBlack~

as soon as I can get it posted!

ever, eddy

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.