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PARKLAND (Sunku shop)

doors and lives
of innocents

soft and dear
strewn by monster

is certain
but will not heal

Style / type: 
Structured: Eastern
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
In Florida....17 innocent lives ----gone
Editing stage: 


Thank you for another great addition to our workshop!
my question is about the last stanza
somehow i want it sound less strong on certainty of the revenge
and instead emphasizing how irreversible the loss is. What do you think?

will not heal
loss is final


I wanted to convey how the eventual vengeance taken upon the monster will be certain but will not do much to heal the souls of all the people he damaged either physically or emotionally. but as usual I'll likely edit this at some point and when I do I'll see if there's a way that I can fit your idea in without eliminating mine.

author comment

Prosecution of criminals is not a revenge.


And what's wrong with that? The idea of rehabilitation is a relatively modern and failed idea.

author comment

It is justice, isolation, Panishment not ravenge


point of view but it is exactly that from the victims' families point of view. And in this case it is likely going to be death not isolation from society. Indeed if it was up to me this excuse for a man would be strapped down and stabbed in a different non-lethal place for each person he killed, let lay for about an hour so he can fully understand his victims' pain then shot in the head. And do this in public so others who might be contemplating doing this same type thing would know that if convicted the worst thing they'll have to endure is a peaceful going off to sleep.

author comment

I respect your point my friend
I share your pain and anger
I think that more violence is not an answer to heal the society. But maybe you are closer to reality. Maybe fear is more efficient than love. Some animals are too primitive to appreciate love but can be controlled by fear
I want to live in the ideal world
I know you too
But we live here and now
Many hugs to you


we can get back to workshop

author comment
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