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Papa Autumn ( For the complete poem from start to finish workshop )

Papa autumn wears a cloak
of yellow, gold and red.
A gust of winter whispers
to rest his weary head.

He sheds his outer garment,
which scatters on the floor.
It's then he yields to slumber
and soon begins to snore.

His garb is spread in shambles
across the forest glade,
bejewelled with frosted crystals
where shafts of light cascade.

A chubby dormouse nestles
with nuts around his chest,
he's hiding snug and cosy
inside his woven nest.

So too with Mr. hedgehog,
who hunkers down 'til spring,
kept warm beneath the layers
of leafy covering.

Sleep well then Papa autumn,
until the redwings flute,
who'll feast upon your banquet
of juicy fallen fruit.

Ah! Then the woods will flourish
with sounds of happy folk,
who walk the trodden pathways
to see your comely cloak.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
This was a poem I wrote in 2002 - never been published - because, up till now, I haven't had the motivation to work on it. I'm looking forward to "hopefully" seeing it flourish! with a little help from my friends. Sorry it's so short - I didn't have time to do one from scratch I've done an update while working. ( I have my computer close by while I work ). Sorry I haven't replied to anyone yet! I'll try and get back to you a.s.a.p. ( I apologise for my unreliability ).
Editing stage: 

Comments

I'll start by saying the 2nd stanza is as good a stanza as I've ever read. But even so you need to delete the two commas . In fact you have a few too many commas spread throughout this. Not every line needs to end with a punctuation mark lol.
Stanza 3, l-3 Might want to change lays to lay to maintain tense
Last stanza
Line 1 try : [so] rest [now] Papa Autumn

I liked this poem. It has the tone of a bedtime story...........stan

Thank you soo much for your help. I have made the changes and I think it's much better. I appreciate your kind help and I'm grateful for your observations. ( I hope all is well with you and yours ).

Keep safe

Love Mand xxxx

author comment

A gentle poem of the season.
This would be lovely in a childrens book
with its little critter in there asleep.
You could write the four seasons in the same tone
and I think that the children will love them.
My children gave it a yes and a happy yes,
as they say it has brought back memories.
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Thank you for your lovely comment - I'm glad it bought a thumbs up. :)

I hope it's not to wet where you are!

Keep safe

Love Mand xxxx

author comment

But not all at once.
Can we use the word "precious"?
Here's what I want you to do. This is almost a children's fairy tale and as such deserves a very strict meter and rhyme structure.
It's late here, so I'm going to wait to scan this, but I want to suggest a few things.
First of all you use a rather mixed meter throughout. I don't think this should change, but sometimes the meter slips far enough out of a gentle sing song (sing song is not bad, by the way) that I stumble. I want to help you smooth that out if you will let me.
I will start by scanning the poem for you (tomorrow, I'm bleary eyed right now). Anyway, what I want you to do is try to scan it yourself if you can. If that's new to you, then just hang on and I'll teach you how. I you already can scan, then please do so and I'll see you tomorrow.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

Sorry I've been off line - I'm taking to getting up early to get sufficient time to rely etc. I've re-posted the poem. ( I was able to re-think it while I was working. My job entails sitting dipping wires into a solder pot, a no brainer. Lol )

Love Mand xxxxxx

author comment

Hi baby Autumn, I must say you care so much for Papa Autumn...please excuse the humor but i called you baby Autumn because this truly reflects how well you connect with nature Mand..I liked it and the imagery it creates...

In stanza 2, if you are looking for an alternate to garment, I suggest "garb" because garment is an artificial item whereas garb could be any attire including an abstract wear...

He sheds his outer garment (garb)
across the forest glade.
Scattering the copper cloth
where shafts of light cascade.

In line 1 of stanza 2, you could think of using "shed" to avoid repetition of word "lay" in line 3

His clothing lay in shambles
scrunched up on the floor.
Whence he lay upon the earth
and soon began to snore.

since this is about Autumn do you think it would be good not to mention "winter" as in line 4 of the stanza below? I will come up with a suggestion for an alternative if I can

A little dormouse nestles
safe beneath the weave,
snuggled in his warm embrace,
amidst the winter heave.

to avoid repetition of"rest" in line 1 & 2, how about "So lay down Papa Autumn"

So rest now Papa Autumn;
rest your weary head.
You have toiled for many days
so now it’s time for bed.

I must say I truly loved this one...

hugz..

raj (sublime_ocean)

I've made a few adjustments to the poem - I hope it's a bit better now. Feel free to suggest improvements - your input is much valued. Thanks for the time and attention you so kindly contribute.

Love Mand xxxxxx

author comment

Hi Mand...you have really done a fine edit to make Papa Autumn look more handsome...

raj (sublime_ocean)

I hope to drop by tomorrow morning to view your work! In the meantime I hope all is well with you and I'm glad you like the edit!

Love Mand xxxx

author comment

I second others' praise. I very much liked how you've personified the season. It reminds me of a piece I once wrote about Mr. Snow (the season not the poet:) ) but this of course is a way better than mine.
I thought you might call it Mr. Fall. In this way, if you decide to put this in a children's book, they will learn the two names of the season.

I thought the meter is almost strict in the first three stanzas, whereas you've started to exchange between the iamb and trochaic in the following ones.
I would really like to see how (if you decide to edit) where will you go with this.
Thanks for sharing dear.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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Did you post Mr Snow on Neo? it sounds lovely! I like the idea of calling it Mr Fall and I see what you mean about learning the two names of the season. I wish I'd seen your suggestion earlier - I've reposted the poem and it's quite different so I'm not sure it will work now, but it's definitely worth thinking about.

Thanks Rula - I really appreciate your comments and suggestion.

Love Mand xxxxx

author comment

Raj's suggestion about "garb" is sound. It aids the meter into the next line. Remember that meter is not only what happens in a specific verse, but also how it leads into the next. I would use a contraction on "scatt'ring" as it does the same thing. Do not fear contractions, though overuse is cumbersome.

His clothing lay in shambles (by all means use "shed" as it reduces repetition)
scrunched up on the floor. (now we have a problem. "upon" should be one word. Then of course you repeat in the next line. In line 3 try "about" instead of "upon". Give it some thought.
Whence he lay upon the earth
and soon began to snore.

Maybe use "Autumn" instead of "Winter". That's tough because Autumn seldom "heaves". It's simply quieter. We haven't talked about "internal logic" yet, but will.

So rest now Papa Autumn;
rest your weary head. (This needs an extra syllable to match your present meter. Try starting the verse with "O,")
You have toiled for many days (I would invert this to aid the meter- "Toiled you have for many days,". The language will fit the almost nursery rhyme nature of the poem. Note the comma at the end of "days".)
so now it’s time for bed.

This is a delightful poem and worth every effort you put to it. If you were compiling a book, I would lead with this. It is simply excellent poetry.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

But I couldn't get how a word in one line affect the meter in the leading verse. Forgive my ignorance, but would you clarify this bit, please sir?

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
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I've done a complete revamp! Does it need more improving? Looking forward to your reply.

Thanks Wes! You are soo good to put in all this time and attention. You deserve a medal!

Love Mand xxxxxx

author comment

An excellent write, full of emotion and imagery. I cannot comment on meter as I stink at but just the same, I enjoyed this.

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

Glad you like it! I've gone and re-vamped it. I hope I haven't spoiled it. :(

I very much appreciate you comment - thanks for taking the time out to come and visit. Much appreciated.

Love Mand xxxxxxxx

author comment

I'll try to answer this but I know Wes can likely do it better. Since meter can loosely be defined as the number of "beats" in a line then almost any line determines the number of beats that should be in the next line. Now a beat is pretty much the same as a stressed syllable so counting only syllables doesn't quite work in maintaining meter in a poem. For every syllable there should be another which is unstressed. This pair is called a foot. One way to maintain meter is to write so each line has the same number of feet in approx. the same order of stresses. But this isn't the only way because some orders of feet work with different ones but not others. Gets kinda complicated especially for me lol. Now since any single word has at least one stressed or unstressed syllable (and most words have more than one syllable) then the placement of stressed or unstressed syllables in one line pretty much determines where the stresses should be in the next line.
SO, just remember the old read aloud rule. Once the first line is written, then the next should sound right in comparison to it. If it doesn't then one of the two lines should be changed. Any time a line "jars" on the ears it's because the rhythm is off. I expect I have made this about as clear as mud but I hope this at least partially answers your question.................stan PS the real pain is that different regions of the world speak in different accents which affect where the stressed syllable can occur in any given word

This is what I suspected or should I say expected, but thought I'd ask anyway. Didn't I say it's quite a stupid question? :)

Mandy, sorry for hacking your thread, I should have put this somewhere in the Workshop's main page.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

As long as it's sincere there's no such thing as a stupid question.........stan

Also, it isn't just the technical stress in the last word of one line into the first of the next. Sometimes the meaning causes the reader to pause unnaturally making the next line start in a clumsy way. Also, the opposite can be true. The meaning can cause us to want to plow right on through while the beginning of the next line requires we "take a breath" before beginning, but we are forced to just "plow" on.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

I like the way you display your imagination in your words..I wish I have your talent..trying to write about the seasons has always been a big headache for me. Sometimes I'm also guilty of putting too may commas on my poems myself so I'll be trying to improve on it. Still struggling with the english language, vocab and all. Even took me awhile to figure out what is stanza. Anyway, I'm grateful to be able to share this learning journey with you. :)

God bless
Alid

( Love your name ).

Thank you for your lovely comment! I feel greatly encouraged. You're amazing! it's incredible that you are writing in the English language - I'm proud of you and those like you. It takes a lot of perseverance and determination to master another language and I can see from your comment that you are doing very well indeed. English is my native tongue and I find it difficult sometimes! Punctuation, on it's own, its difficult to master, fortunately we have some wonderful people on this site to help us out!.

Thanks once again Alidzain -

Keep safe

Love Mand xxxxx

author comment

Agreed. The people here are wonderful, but there are times when i read the comments and i still dont understand some words, so i have to check their meaning.A bit stressed out but its a good stress...:)

God bless
Alid

I have a hard enough time writing in English and it"s my native language so I have a lot of respect for those writing in English as a second language. (The only second language I speak is Southern Red neck lol). NEVER feel shy about asking the meaning of a word. I don't think anybody here would hesitate in helping out..........stan

I'll keep that in mind.

Alid

That make your efforts twice as amazing! English is the only language I know and I struggle! Keep it up Alid - you are an inspiration!

Love Mand xxxxx

author comment

I is going to be bad and say that this seems to have lost its childlike simplicity, I think due to some of the word changes.
I loved the gentle first stream it didn't need much to make it a beaut childs poem, some of the changes have made it older, and that's another type of write.
When writing I think that the ones it is written for should become obvious.
The first write of yours was to me for the children.
Now we can do two things separate the two into separate poems one for the children and one for the grownups.
But this is only me, you take care and tin away but don't get too tin.
Yours as always Ian.T
PS:- I shall have a look at the two different presentations and see what comes out..

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

I know it's a dilemma! I've got to go to work now, but I'll get back to you later. Thanks for your observation - I will take note and ponder! te he

Love Mand xxxx

author comment

I am torn. I read this and see so many things I'd do differently. But is different better? And I'm also hesitant that any further suggested changes might make this too....is sophisticated the right word?......for young people to enjoy. I'll try to figure out this problem and come back later............stan

I'm beginning to have second thoughts about this one! Perhaps I have bitten off more than I can chew! Do you think it would be better to go back to the original and work on that? ( Ian says the original was simpler and better for children - and I'm tending to agree ) Your thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks for your input so far - it would be interesting to know how you would do it differently.

Love Mand xxxxx

author comment

I have gone over the above comments I cant see anything else to suggest at this time, in my defense I am totally wrecked tonight, but in saying that I have line envy there are some beautifully written lines and stanza's in this poem with a little work its going to be a 'Great' poem.

His garb is spread in shambles
across the forest glade,
bejewelled with golden frost drops [just noticed] *bejeweled*
where shafts of light cascade.

I am so taken with this stanza it really shines for me in its imagery

Well Done !

much love JC xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

This poem is beginning to scare me. Lol it's like the past has come back to haunt me. Have you ever had a poem that you can't seem to progress with? ( perhaps it's the mood I'm in ) Lol

Anyway! I hope your feeling refreshed now - no worries about getting back - take your time!

LOve Mand xxxxxxxx

author comment

I mentioned that I wanted to scan this for you, so here we are. Please don’t take only the suggestions, but look at how I have separated the poetic feet. I would like very much for you to understand how scanning works if you don’t already. Some of this may be old news, but some may be helpful (I hope). The bold type is the stressed syllable and the “/” separates the feet.

Papa au /tumn wears / a cloak (this is Trimeter with one foot of Anapest and two Iambic. It works wonderfully and it’s this “feel” I would search out for the entire poem. It does not mean you must cling to this metric shape, only that each verse flows as well).

of yel / low, rus / set red. (Iambic Trimeter. Perfect).

A gust /of win / ter whis / pers (Again Iambic Trimeter, but now we have a left over syllable- “pers”. That means the line is “Catalectic”. It has a “hanging half foot”. Nothing wrong here, that is simply how we describe it. Don’t touch the line).

to rest / his wear / y head. (Iambic Trimeter).

He sheds / his ou / ter gar / ment (Catalectic Iambic Trimeter. This sort of thing can cause us grief, but not here. The “rhythm” [as opposed to meter which only describes rhythm] is clean).

and lays / it on / the floor, (Iambic Trimeter).

whence he / sleeps up / on the / earth (Now you’ve switched meters on us. This is a Catalectic Trochaic Trimeter. It may cause a stumble as Trochee is the opposite of Iamb which is what you have used so far, but I don’t notice it being pronounced here. It is more important to understand what your meters are, so you might identify why something doesn’t sound right. I wouldn’t worry over this one.

then soon / be-gins / to snore. (Iambic Trimeter).

His garb / is spread / in sham / bles (Catalectic Iambic Trimeter).

a- cross / the for / est glade, (Iambic Trimeter)

be- jewelled / with gol / den frost / drops (Catalectic Iambic Trimeter).

where shafts / of light / cas- cade. (Iambic Trimeter).

A chub / by dor / mouse nes / tles (Catalectic Iambic Trimeter).

with chest / nuts round / his chest, (Iambic Trimeter. I do not notice the alternation between a catalectic line and otherwise as causing any problems with the rhythm. I love this poem).

hid- den / in the / mon- tage / weave. (Trochee again. Be careful. It works, but it could throw the rhythm off).

in- side / his wo / ven nest. (Iambic Trimeter).

So to / with Mr [mis- / ter] hedge / hog, (Catalectic Iambic Trimeter. You use a “contraction” here with “Mr.” [which by the way, needs a period], but always remember we scan the “sound” and not the spelling. “To” is a replacement for “also” which means it needs to be “too”).

kept safe / through- out / 'til spring, (Iambic Trimeter).

snug be- neath / a cache / of wood (Here again we have one Anapest and two Iambs. This time it troubles me. The rhythm to now is so clean, this Anapest interferes. Know this though… Anapest is commonly paired with Iamb as Trochee with Dactyl. I might use a contraction on “beneath” and say instead “ ‘neath”. You decide. That particular contraction is common, though outdated, but since we are writing a “fairy verse” I believe it to be appropriate).

and leaf / y co / ve- ring. (Iambic Trimeter).

Sleep well / then, Pa / pa au / tumn, (Catalectic Iambic Trimeter).

un- til / the red / wings flute (Iambic Trimeter).

and sum / mer buds / bloom a feast (Two Iambs and an Anapest. This is harder. The rhythm of the Iambs in the beginning set the ear to use it, then we must make an adjustment for the Anapest. It will have the tendency to cause the reader to accent the “a” and not feast- [and sum / mer buds / bloom a / feast]. Read it accenting “a” and you’ll see how it does not work. This is not critical. Many ears will just plow through and read it as an Anapest, but the point of the workshop is to help you understand why some things work and others don’t. That’s what I want you to see).

of plump / red jui / cy fruit. (Iambic Trimeter). Now I’ll really be a pest. I would like very much for you to scan this last stanza yourself and then allow me to correct you if necessary. 'tis then the woods will flourish with sounds of happy folk, who walk the trodden pathway to see your comely cloak. Your asking yourself why did I do all this work. One, I like you and two I think it would aid your poetry immensely to understand how the mechanics truly function. This is a wonderful poem and I will be putting it in my archives of “cool poems I have read”. If you have any questions about what I have done, please ask. It’s not only my responsibility as a Workshop Leader, but I very much enjoy helping other poets to attain their potential. I have had my own mentors in the past (Stan is one, though he won’t admit [and of course… Jess] and like to give back. I’m anxious to read your next poem.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

Use of bold and normal font does effectively conveys the distinction as you have done n the comment above. Excuse my ignorance, but I was not aware that features such as, bold, underline, italics, etc are available here on Neopoet. perhaps I may have overlooked "More information about text formats"..I will check out if they are there...regards,

P.S.: I checked out but could not find those features via the "More information about text formats" link

raj (sublime_ocean)

After choosing the advanced format, simply select the text you need to have it in bold then press the Ctrl+B or

Ctrl+I for italics or

Ctrl+U to underline

 

Why don't you give it a try?

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
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Many thanks for responding positively to my query about formatting text. I have tried it and it works as you can see..Thanks for the help...i appreeciate it a lot

raj (sublime_ocean)

Wow!

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

Hahaha...Yes..it was possible thanks for your tip Rula..

raj (sublime_ocean)

Phew! this may take some time to digest - just to let you know I've had a first read - but I need to read it a few times to understand the technical details.

I will attempt to scan the last stanza and post it as soon as it's done.

Thanks Wes - you have put such a lot of effort into explaining the structure of the poem - I only hope I can manage to do your work justice by understanding and remembering the breakdown you have given.

Love Mand xxxxx

author comment

Would this be a better stanza for number 5?

So too with Mr. hedgehog,
who hunkers down 'til spring.
Kept warm within the layers
of leafy covering.

Just a thought - would it be more in line with the mechanics?

author comment

Here is my scan of stanza seven

 

'tis then / the woods / will flourish                  Catalectic, lambic trimeter

with sounds / of hap / py folk,                        Iambic, trimeter

who walk / the trod / den pathway                 Catalectic, lambic, trimeter

to see / your come / ly cloak.                        Iambic trimester

 

Does this poem need further correction to make the meter consistent throughout? or are the Inconsistencies within acceptable parameters ?.

author comment

Don't freak on the information. It was done to demonstrate the mechanical aspect of any poem and how you might use these tools to determine why some things work and some do not.
Better you take one line of scansion (that's what I did... I scanned your poem... some people will use the word "parse") and understand the stressed and unstressed syllables, then take it to another poem to try it yourself.
Remember that rhythm is what the poem has... the flow (or lack thereof) of the lines. Meter describes it.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

I must admit I was a bit overwhelmed but I think, taking it a bit at a time, I'll eventually get the hang of it and slowly but surly ( hopefully ) I'll get better. ( being positive now ).

Do you think this is better for stanza 6?

Sleep well then, Papa autumn,
until the redwings flute,
who'll feast upon your banquet
of juicy fallen fruit.

I think it matches the mechanics of the previous stanza's.

I'll get to scanning the last stanza next.

author comment

You are using meter as a tool. Bravo.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

Will scan stanza seven next.

Love Mand xxxxxx

author comment

It would be a good one, but unnecessary. We use catalectics regularly and it seldom disturbs the rhythm. If I were writing it I would likely have tried to use an almost machine like meter simply because of its nursery rhyme nature. When writing for children, poets have traditionally used very strict meter because they are easier to remember.
I would suggest starting a new piece that you decided from the outset to use a strict meter just to help you grasp the ideas.
That sonnet would be perfect. Wikipedia will tell you how and also Rula.

And now... you misspelled "Iamb" the last two times. Remember that you don't want ANYTHING you write published without it being exactly that intended.
Be picky.
Be as flawless as you can accomplish. Simple typos are well within all of our ranges.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

My fault I thought it was spelt lambic - not iambic. Have corrected, will not make the same mistake.

Sorry to cause you stress.

Love Mand xxxxx

author comment

I saw two of them spelled with an "L". (Liambic) The capital is simply something I do. It is more correctly spelled without the capital. Sorry to confuse you.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

I Still like this poem a lot. But one thing has kinda bothered me since I first read it :"of yellow, russet red". For some reason I keep wanting this to say "yellow and russet red".then "bejewelled with golden frost drops"...now this is a pretty line and scans well I think. But frost is not golden and it's crystals not drops. Maybe something like "sequined with silver frost crystals'? Now I'm gonna shut up before I get slapped for nit-picking lol..........stan

Nice of you to re-visit - always pleased to have your thoughts.

I have written this poem with a strict syllable count - so if I where to change *yellow, russet red" I would have to change it accordingly - otherwise it will be out of sink! But I will take a look at it and see what I can do.

Bejewelled with golden frost drops; I guess I was thinking that when the sun reflects on the frost, "cascades" first thing in the morning, it reflects a golden sheen. But I'll see if I can change it - again it will have to follow a strict syllable count + the meter has to be right, so it may not be exactly as you suggest.

Thanks for your input - will see what I can do.

Love Mand xxxxx

author comment

I Never expect others to follow my suggestions word for word lol. But I also think if I suggest something be changed it's only fair that I provide a sample of how it Could be changed.
I see what you want to convey in the light reflecting off the morning frost. But even then the light has more colors than just gold. I guess you can tell I like this because I keep nagging you to make it even better than it is..........stan PS maybe prism or rainbow crystals?

I have made a few changes - I still think there's a couple to go - it's getting there ( I hope ) and I'm really pleased with everyone's help! If you see any other changes - I'm always happy to hear your thoughts and ideas.

Thanks again Stan

Love Mand xxxx

author comment

I just realized that bejeweled can be spelt both ways, its weird huh ? I have four references and two different spellings so I guess either can fly

love JC xxx

btw your edits are just getting better and better :)

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

It is weird! if I type in bejeweled there is a red line under it! I expect it's the same for you if you type in bejewelled. Lol I think there are a lot of words like that. Then there are the variant spellings of the same word: color and colour etc. Takes some getting used to!

Love Mand xxxxx

I hope you're o.k - have you had your op yet?

author comment

I know its weird I type in bejewelled and it comes up with the sqiggley line underneath...

My operation was put off for another month I have another health issue that needs to be sorted out before they will operate

Love JC xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

It must get you down! You are an inspiration to us all. I read your rhyming poem - it's stunning, you should do more. I'll be by to comment on it a.s.a.p.

Love and hugs to you

Mand xxxxxx

author comment

There are a lot of people much worse off than I am, I am just going through the motions taking things as they come I just want this next lot of surgery to be over so I can concentrate on something other than medical tests and doctors its starting to give me the sh#ts lol

I am happy you like my rhyming poem its the first of a few I'm working on I am still playing with it, cant wait to hear/see your thoughts on it.

love and hugs JC xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

I wish you all the best, JC. Hope everything goes well. Take care, yeah.

Alid

I will be looking to more of your works.. Till then, stay strong

I will be fine your kind wishes are very much appreciated, be well

Look forward to your thoughts on my scribbles :)

Kindest regards JC x

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

:)

Alid

There are a few more concepts I am going to discuss before we close the workshop. Don't call the poem finished just yet, although I suspect what I'm going to offer will effect your next poem more than this one.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

Sorry about the lack of participation - I'll try and catch up with developments a.s.a.p. Hopefully today ( if nothing goes wrong ) We had to rush down to the bank ( 6 miles away ). My husband's account has been scammed. I wonder what is going to happen next!

Thanks for your help thus far!

Love Mand xxx

author comment

So sorry to know about this incident, I wish all goes well and the culprit is brought to book and the bank account is set right again.....

raj (sublime_ocean)

My reading.
Please forgive faults and errors,
I'm trying to do a reading for everyone in the workshop.
http://vocaroo.com/i/s1l4QS4Jyo1O

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Thank you soo much. :) As you where reading the hairs on the back of my neck went up! Just amazing and so kind of you.

Big hugs - and a happy smile from me!

Love Mand xxxx

author comment

it also opened up the poem for me.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

I am slowly working my way back through everyone's poems I have been busy with life the last week and a bit, I noticed you planned to do some more work to this one I will return in the next couple of days

hope your well and I hope things go well with that bank it sounds bad take care hun

love and hugs JC xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

I know the feeling! I guess we are all in the same boat. Any tips / help for improvement are much appreciated and welcomed, No hurry though as and when. time will tell with the bank - husband has told them which transactions he didn't agree to - the bank will be checking and then it will go to the fraud squad. ( I think ). Humph!

Love to you :)

Mand xxxxx

author comment

I have been through the wringer the last month and a bit but life's slowly turning a little quieter and I am taking time for me this week, it was so hot here today and its still 30 Degrees Celsius here at the moment and its 2am so I am up writing and reading LOL god help us tomorrow they said its going to be even hotter

I hope your husbands bank can get to the bottom of whatever's going on rotten bastards grrrr

much love JC xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

Yeh! I heard it was hot in Australia on the news. God! you poor souls - sweltering! We've had 50 consecutive days of rain. Rivers - Parrot, Severn and Thames are approx. 3 meters above normal. I hope it isn't to hot for you tomorrow - or if it is I hope you have air-con. Have you moved yet?

Love Mand xxxx

author comment

Its getting worse each summer this years been a scorcher Victoria is really copping it at the moment there have been many homes lost to the fires down there, its not nearly as hot here as it is down there, I am still looking at houses haven't found one that fits my needs yet but I will keep looking there is no great hurry I have been in this house nearly 14yrs and once I move I don't plan on going anywhere for another 14yrs LOL

much love JC xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

but I do love this poem. The workshop was worth it for this alone. Write me another, mother. Perhaps in sonnet form. There's always Pan and springtime.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

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