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A Panic Of Elements

Submitted by brittle light on Tue, 2012-09-11 03:24

luxurious aromas mingle
in tall mahagony rooms
cognac snifters clink
and twinkle
in the glint of chandeliers

as for me,
I'm tipsy
leaning cooly in a corner
twisted in irony
bored
and condescending

then I see her
and I'm suddenly intrigued

womaness aglow
latticed in spicey red heels
playing it haute and haughty
deeply lost in a reverie of hopefulness

and I want to hold her
enfold her
gently
in my arms

that, or either
slap her out of it

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - draft

Comments

judyanne

Wed, 2012-09-12 02:01

judyanne's picture
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great write , great descriptive, great finish

nothing i can see to offer to assist al
- except for the title - doesn't really fit the poem for me... but i may be missing something?

love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

brittle light

Wed, 2012-09-12 03:53

brittle light's picture

thanks Judy

now about the title! I once received a critique on a highly descriptive verse of a poem, somewhat like this one, and she called the verse tense and panicy for some reason I still don't understand.
As I wrote this piece that came to mind, so I just played on it as a working title, and never thought to change it. Thanks for reminding me how arbitrary and incoherent it must sound to others.

Now I have to wrack my brain for another...UNLESS, you wrack yours and come up with one!

with deep appreciation for your time and thoughts,

Al

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