Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

A PANG OF TIME

Submitted by Jackweb on Wed, 2023-01-04 17:09

In the parade of time
the birth-pangs of civilization
a red card to humanity

Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Lavender

Wed, 2023-01-04 22:33

Lavender's picture
Volunteer badge

Hello, Jackweb,
There is some truth here - the advancement of humans has somewhat robbed humanity as a whole. The use of the word "parade" is interesting - it gives a sense of viewing a spectacle, just for show, insincere. A brief, but very deep poem.
L

Jackweb

Wed, 2023-01-04 22:54

Jackweb's picture

I give you 10 star rank in making this excellent commentary in this piece. You really nailed it! Nothing more beyond this!!! You're a very skilled poet!
.

"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".

~Jackweb

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.