Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

IN PALE ATTIRE

Bright, bright the day,
it isn't may,
no heavy cloud,
no wind,
no sudden sight of gusts
that yesterday 
asked leaves up to dance;
wind still,
it silently came in at dawn, 
in pale attire,
and filled the scene with melancholy light,
with here and there a splash of brightened woods, 
as sunlight permeated through the view,
that well known smooth horizon, 
across the window's wide,
that reached into the mind,
as peace perceived and satisfied. 

Style / type: 
Free verse
Editing stage: 

Comments

Anna. Smooth with lots of nice imagery. Make me feel it and want to
come where peace is quite satisfied.
One thing yet I couldn't get is the title , Why Pale attire. Well I understand where is this
coming from but would wish for a more vivid title. I mean it is nice to have the wind stilled, isn't it?
Anyway, this was truely an enjoyable read .

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

Rula, it was pale, yet bright in pastel colours,
and it was the day in pale attire that became the start.
Day in pale attire, but then I would have to leave
out the pale attire in the text.

It was as if I painted it, depicting slightly different
moments in it's unfolding,
and that's how it all came to me.

But I see what Ross means about too many words,
although the sound of a poem is important over the meaning
of the words for me sometimes, what do you think Rula?

Love that you enjoyed it though and love from Ann.

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

author comment

Bright the day,
no heavy cloud,
no sudden sight of gusts
that yesterday
asked leaves to dance; -leave out 'up'

dawn filled the scene with
with here and there
a splash of brightened woods,
the window's well known
smooth horizon,
reached the mind
and satisfied.

I've edited this, letting the best lines carry the poem and I've cut out rhymes and over explaining, over describing that are not effective or unnecessary.
best wishes
ross

First thank you for making a crit for me, that's a compliment Ross.

Ross you take away all the music of the poem, the sounds.
Your statement of a day is correct, upright, good poetry,
but it has lost some of the poetic, the dance, for me.

I agree about the
"up."

Okay...

Bright day, no cloud,
streaked sun on woods
a quiet satisfaction.

Pale apparition,
a day with shapes of sun
quiet horizon.

Rays of sun
on quiet view,
no wind today.

Sun
day
calm.

Lit woods
a smoothe horizon
pale sky.

Several very different songs.
Love Ann.

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

author comment

How lovely to give you fresh air, where you had none,
that's what poetry is for, partly anyway, isn't it, even if
the perverts like the black devilish things, they have
entertainment.

Thank you for your kind comment, Love to you too Ann.

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

author comment

This was sublime, and just as the captain said, brightens my morning. Love Roscoe...

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

A beautiful piece that Ross has adopted, your words are a breath of fresh air and will lighten a few of our ways,
Thank you, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Thank you Roscoe and ian, glad to entertain you,
love to you Ann.

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

author comment

That we can only see through the eye's of your quill, it is lovely that you take us to many places, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.