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Painting My Thoughts

As I sweep my paintbrush,
over the paper, on which I colour,

I find myself painting a picture
of everything you mean to me,

but then, with some thought,

I realize there’s just not an easel big enough…

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
Last few words: 
just a tiny bit of romance in me today!
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

To say that much in just few words. I always liked brevity dear Teddy. I will come back to this for some suggestions if you don't mind.
Thanks for sharing!

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

You have made my day, because that is exactly what i wanted to show. come back when ever you wish.

Thank you...Teddy

author comment

Hi, Teddy,
This is fantastic! I can see the paint sweeping and sloshing everywhere as you try to contain your joy and excitement, then realizing your feelings cannot be contained at all! So wonderful!
Thank you!
L

i am delighted you have seen all the imagery that could be possible, so happy you have enjoyed this.

Thank you...Teddy

author comment

as I read the last line, that it was, the last line! I didn't have to hit the [read more button]. Succinct, yet moving. I am pleased that you used punctuation to help deliver; but I think that you need to leave the commas off from the ends of the sentences. Just a distraction. In the last line, use [canvas] rather than easel big enough. I know that you said paper in the beginning of the poem, but people won't even realize. Besides, if the person knows anything all about art, they will think about having to fasten the [paper] to an easel. Trust me, the use of canvas will most likely translate the idea better. Of course, as always, the ideas that I give you are not meant to be set in stone and if it gives you an idea you like better than mine...
I love the energy that comes with this and the emotion that it enlists, is magic. Nice job. ~ Geezer.
.

Honest critique and comments shouldn't hurt.
It's why we are here, to get better at our craft.

thank you for your thoughts, this time i was definately looking to use easel and paper so today canvas wouldn't work, however i keep all your thoughts in mind, as this is hot off the press today. you always make me stretch my imagination. i have taken the last comma away i hope it reads better for that, so pleased you like my romantic pen hand as you know by now i do love to try everything.

Thank you...Teddy

author comment

you know your work best and surely have never disappointed me in the least when you decide not to use something I suggest. The removal of the last comma does read better for me. Maybe it won't for some of the others, but it does for me.
~ Geez.
.

Honest critique and comments shouldn't hurt.
It's why we are here, to get better at our craft.

You actually help more than you know, I did wonder about the comma and i think your eagle eye makes it better. At school when I was really little 7 or 8 I had an extra teacher who helped with my spelling, I loved that time because I loved just writing and writing and I so appreciated someone saw my small talent. You always give me inspiring thoughts. Easel was the star of the show but I love the canvas so you may have inspired an entire new poem soon.

Thank you...Teddy

author comment

Yours is perfect as is dear Teddy. Find them between the brackets. I did some trimming for few words.

Here is the version:

As I sweep my paintbrush,
over the paper, on which I colour,

I find myself painting a picture
of (what) you mean to me,

(Just then) I realize(d) (that) there’s not an easel big enough (for that)

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

with your kind edit look at this!

As I sweep my paintbrush,
over the paper, on which I colour,

I find myself painting a picture
of everything you mean to me,

but just then, with some thought,

I’ve realized there’s just not an easel big enough…
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
which one is better? I like them both...

thank you Rula!

Thank you...Teddy

author comment

I applaud your dedication. As I see it, there is much similarity. However I don't encourage the repetition of the "just" in the last few lines. Do you think you can get rid of any of them?

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

with your kind edit look at this!

As I sweep my paintbrush,
over the paper, on which I colour,

I find myself painting a picture
of everything you mean to me,

but then, with some thought,

I've realized there’s just not an easel big enough… ??????

Thank you...Teddy

author comment

I love your edit, but the last words I really wanted to leave open so big enough can work or maybe I can find others if you can help make it more poetic? I would love to hear, plus I wanted it in the (now present) so it seems like I am painting here and now and my thought Are in this moment. if you see what I mean. I really appreciate your edit, and I will think on this. Even in respect to a future poem.

Thank you...Teddy

author comment
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