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Pahoa Island Destruction

There’s a river of lava flowing toward an island in Hawaii called Pahoa. Islanders fear the imminent danger approaching, stare at the smoke in the distant.
Nearby islanders, unaffected by the destruction, watch in horror as the lava slowly sometimes faster destroy businesses, homes, vegetation and the main highway.
Islanders not in the path of this natural disaster are blocked from entering Pahoa while those living there are allowed pass construction barriers and police presence.
A few days away from a river of fiery lava some linger hoping for a change in flow toward the sea. Homeowners cling to tiny bits of hope that their fate would be different as they make the decision to pack up and leave before the mandatory evacuation.

What do you think?

Editing stage: 

Comments

This is too much like what we talked about in storytelling. You've introduced characters, but told little about them. Being a current circumstance we all have our visions from the news, but what of those who read it one hundred years from now. What will they know of the heat? Of the closeness?
Now interestingly enough you HAVE written a story. All of the components are there. You would gain benefit if you isolated them.
Your point was broached successfully, but there was little of the sensational that is poetry. I don't want the information. I have the news. I want the drama. The fear, the horror, the danger. All things that are happening right there right now.
Express it.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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Thanks Wesley. The hardest thing ever but I'm going bob my head up for air from these unfamiliar waters and get this thing lol
I'm gonna redo this tonight with your suggestions in mind. If you successfully teach me this you'd be a genius at teaching bc I'm the hardest person to teach anything I find this complicated. But I love a challenge, difficult task, it keep new brain cells growing in my complicated often confused brain. Lol

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author comment

"A poet's work is to name the unnameable, to point at frauds, to take sides, start arguments, shape the world, and stop it going to sleep."
Salman Rushdie

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Directors

I can agree with that to a point so, What's you critique on this

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka. All Neopoets welcome to join the Collaborative Poetry Writing Workshop.
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author comment

I might add it lacks prosodic values, it reads rather like prose.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Directors

Wesley said he'd would accept prose before I started. I hope to get formula down right down.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka. All Neopoets welcome to join the Collaborative Poetry Writing Workshop.
https://pixiblogs.blacpixi.com/

author comment

Too many tasks are taking place at the moment. Your workshop and jess's. Also the sempiternal storytelling (which I feel so grateful for Mr. Wesley for taking the time to give it step by step). I am also preparing for my first workshop with sir Wesley ( I expect you to be there if time permits) but I shall keep an eye on this. If I am late to any of these it is only because of the different time zone. May Allah help.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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I plan to join you and Wesley ws after these two and mine end. I have one more renga Ws after this one. They only last a week or so.
I can't take on any more at the moment as I'm running one, joined to two and helping alid prepare his. My plate is full but not more than I can do.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka. All Neopoets welcome to join the Collaborative Poetry Writing Workshop.
https://pixiblogs.blacpixi.com/

author comment

and overwhelming the newcomer. One person on Facebook told me she though you couldn't join Neopoet unless you joined a workshop.

The enthusiasm is exciting but perhaps we need to pace ourselves bit. A gap between workshops.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Directors

5 ws going at once is overwhelming I think.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka. All Neopoets welcome to join the Collaborative Poetry Writing Workshop.
https://pixiblogs.blacpixi.com/

author comment

Run what we have and then slow down. Rula and I are not preparing a workshop for immediate application. We announce to build interest, but we will wait many months and not lose time researching to present a workshop worthy of the Shark Pool.
Just because we have an idea doesn't mean it should show fruition right away. Let the ideas stew for a while and we won't lose the purpose of The Stream. I believe both workshop and stream should be the first two things a new visitor sees.
Also, just cause, I was blown by the number of "new" workshop participants. Poets who avoided them for years suddenly contribute.
Bravo.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

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