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Page

When we first met, we were travelling on the same road
Same locations and destinations
Each time I touched your face my desire for you overflowed

When we first met, we were floating on the same cloud
Same destinations and locations
Each time I touched your face you made me feel so proud

(chorus)
I am not on the same page as you
Never was, never will be
A different page ,a different book
You'd clearly see it if you opened your eyes and looked

(chorus)
I am not on the same page as you
Never was, never will be
A different book, a different page
Open your eyes can't you see I'm on a different stage

As time has passed, we no longer walk the same track
Just dead ends and blind bends
Each time I touch your face I feel swallowed into the black

(bridge)
Breathing in the ashes of our bridge that burns
You on one side, me far away on the other
Separated by a rising pillar of toxic smoke
At this crossroad we wheeze and finally choke

As time has passed, we no longer fly the same course
Just blind bends and dead ends
Each time I touch your face my smile is fake and forced

(outro)
Avenues and venues, airports and seaports
Rail tracks and farm tracks, foreign trips and picnics
Freeways and highways, short walks and long talks
Taxi rides and horse rides, brunches and lunches
Casinos and rendezvous, stations and vacations

© 2010 hoodedstranger.com

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

Very interesting. I thought maybe I lost the thread of it a few times, but it always came back to the same track. I don't have the faintest idea of the music that accompanies it, so until I hear it in song, I can't say with any certainty anything about the rhythm. But I definitely liked the train of thought here. ~ Gee

Our Chatroom is open 24/7 Feel free to use it for
keeping in touch We have poets around the world and it is fun
to have real-time conversations with those that are up
all night or on the other side of the world.
.

Gee,

the music that accompanies this is electro/darkwave...loud bass, gothic style synths with spoken verses, and melodic chorus and bridge, and finally finished off with a fast rap style vocal for the outro. We have already recorded a demo to make sure the words fit the fast tempo of this piece.

Glad you liked the train of thought, this one went through many stages before becoming a possible final version.

Thanks for reading and commenting my friend.

regards,

HS
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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.

author comment

I assume that's it's a song, and not knowing the type of music that should accompany it, I assumed progressive rock, my favorite.

You could pare this down, and edit it a lot, without losing any meaning. The first stanza, for instance:

When we first met, we travelled the same road,
Same locations and destinations,
Each time I touched your face my desire overflowed...

same meaning, less wordy, and thus, easier to sing. JUst don't change the rhyme, it's great.

Also, it looks like you left out a word, in the third line of the first chorus.

I like the progression of this piece, from initial closeness to increasing alienation, it's very well done.

The bridge needs to be pared down as well, and I would suggest re-working the outro, perhaps making every other pair of things rhyme with the previous pair? As it stands, its very good, but would be better with a rhyme, to focus on and remember.

And welcome back, it's good to see you writing, Hooded.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

JIm,

thanks for taking time out to read and evaluate for me. I will take on-board your suggestions before finishing it off. So far we have recorded a demo of this one...see the comments above to Geezer for breakdown of the music style and vocal technique.

Progressive rock...sorry my friend, it's all electronic music for me and the band...a cheeky plug of the band:

www.systemasynthetica.net

Good spot on the missing word, I actually had missed out a comma and when I edited it to include the comma I must have deleted the whole word!!

cheers for the suggestions,

HS
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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.

author comment

Prog rock rules my musical world, Hooded, lol. But I looked in at what you got.
Still listening, right now to Banner.
I like. I like a lot. Electronica rocks, and you guys are good. Now, I have to listen on 1000W per channel, instead of this grungy little sound card system, heehee.

You lot out there, if you like electronica, visit the site, they are good.

Hooded, if you already cut the demo for Page, put it on the site, I'd like to hear it.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

Jim,

the electro/darkwave scene is very underground and I like it that way. For some reason the Germans like this style of music and we have had some number ones in their alternative download charts.

Glad you like what you hear...although I doubt I'll budge you from prog rock...but that's ok, I forgive you!!

Our songs go through many stages and the early demo, will not be heard outside of the band. We are, I guess, perfectionists and will only release music once we are totally happy with it...so for now, you'll have to wait a while before hearing the final version.

It would be nice to have a lyrics section here on neopoet, but from previous private messages, it seems my lyrics are not popular with some!...so you may not see many more lyrics posted here by me. I am not very good at poetry and prefer to focus on lyrics, but I'll make sure you get a copy of the album when it is done.

Kind regards,

HS

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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.

author comment

Forgive me, but to hell with negative opinions. Poetry is poetry, nd lyrics are poetry, I don't care what purists and self-righteous fools say, so post away and be damned, it will be fascinating to experience the process of words becoming songs, particularly in the style of your band.
I thought you would be perfectionists, most of the great electronic musician are, or were. Shades of Kitaro, Tangerine Dream and Kraftwerk, although I know you probably won't like these comparisons, I make them with much appreciation of your music,
So the Germans like your stuff, huh? Not surprising, given where the gendre first originated.
And no, you probably won't sway me from prog rock...but keep trying, heehee, I love new sounds and new songs.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

Jim,

I have absorbed all the negative comments and it didn't stop me posting near on a hundred songs on Neo. I am yet to have a negative comment or private message on new Neo, but that is because the negative ones aren't here yet. I'll see how I feel when they begin. I have been using other poetry sites whilst Neo was down and I think Neo will no longer be my first home as I am finding my lyrics are accepted with much more enthusiasm elsewhere...and after all, I need attention...I am an electro God afterall!! Lol!!!

I am in a lucky position where I write the lyrics first and then we add music to them...most bands do it the other way round...we like to be different!

Tangerine Dream/Kraftwerk are the masters of the electro scene...they may sound a little dated these days, but then they didn't have access to the myriad of computers, drum machines and sound samples as we do now. My favourite electronic band and the band that got me interested in electronic music is The Pet Shop Boys.

I'll make sure I send you a signed copy of the album...that should reduce it's value somewhat!! LOL!

regards,

HS

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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.

author comment

Yes, those old electronica bands...date the hell out of me, don't they? heehee
I would not presume to tell you where to post your songs...but if you wish an honest opinion, I am always happy to give one.
As for private messages from people not brave enough to give their honest opinion in a public forum...they are not worth reading, and I would simply delete them, and move on. Except to reply to thank them for their message, and explain that you don't do PMs, heehee. THAT usually shuts em down.
But hopefully, we will be avoiding all that nonsense, on our new site.
And yes, I also like The Pet Shop boys, when I'm in that particular musical mood.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

I like it very much,

Love lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

Lou,

thanks for your in-depth analysis of this piece...Lol!!

HS
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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.

author comment

I gave you the benefit of my limited wisdom, before you posted this. Lmao.

Lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

lou,

indeed you did offer me with your feedback and suggestions outside of Neopoet, for which I am truly grateful.

regards,

HS

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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.

author comment

poetry....song....who cares which when it's right. Works pretty well as either in my opinion......scribbler

Stan,

glad to see you here my friend.

Poetry/Song...who cares?...well actually there are a few in the ranks of Neopoet that actually don't like me posting lyrics on their POETRY forum!!...so rather than cause any further problems, I probably won't post anymore. Personally I can see where poetry and lyrics cross over, but there are those that won't step outside the box and allow the two to entwine.

Kindest regards,

HS

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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.

author comment

Glad you liked the lyrics - it will be a while before the demo becomes the fully mixed and mastered version, but I'll keep you posted.

kind regards,

HS

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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.

author comment

Hi mate, hope you're well and busy writing.

I am pleased you liked the write and its ending.

Are two people ever on the same page?...great question indeed.

HS

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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.

author comment

to me song and poetry are the same thing
so i can't comment on this as with whatever music you use

but i hear it to my own music
and i really like it
how's that for limited wisdom?

love judy
xxxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

There are those that will disagree with you about song and poetry, I just hope they don't send you vile private messages about it like they did with me...that said, that was old Neopoet...so maybe the new Neo will have lost those individuals.

Your limited wisdom is priceless.

Please send me a link to buy your book, since the site went down I haven't been able to locate it as I can't remember what it was called!!

you can email me if your prefer - [email protected].

Take care,

HS

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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.

author comment

well hello i'm late but I had a virus in my laptop so it was in getting fixed this past few days
I liked this when I read it first and you've got some good input in comment above
it's good to know you have done a demo on this, I always found that knowing your
music as I do it makes and adds a whole new slant on it while reading
any new lyrics from you, i think my fav lines here are the second part of the bridge
it all fits your style of writing so well, always a treat to read you hood ,,,,,,,,,,,,zigs

I salute anyone who breaks the rules in the interest of art and great poetry writing just as much as I admire poets who craft meter and verse within the confines of good grammar. Walk the tight rope or jump from it and see if you can fly.

Ziggy,

always late and always has an excuse!! Lol!

I guess it would help to understand the music style when reading my lyrics...I hadn't really considered that. Maybe i should always have a link to the band site with each posting.

Haven't seem you post anything yet, other than a co-write with Lou. So what you waiting for?

Thanks for the comment and I know you would have given me 5 stars and nominated it!! Lol!

HS

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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.

author comment

Having recently listened to (and read the lyrics of) a number of your songs, I made an observation to you that they were all VERY dark, almost without exception.

For some reason I'm not sure I understand, THIS one, while still dark, feels... different...

Two people who start off life together thinking they are on the same road... suddenly realise how far apart they've grown. Different page/ different stage... I like the imagery you use here.

I particularly liked the imagery of the burning bridge... two people on either bank can hardly recognise each other from the smoke of that bridge that they have burnt!

Very nice.

Psyve

Psyve,

firstly, thank you for taking time out to read/listen to my lyrics/music. Your observation based on what I have made available is correct.

Dark.

My writings began to help overcome depression and OCD. It is difficult to write about those with a lighter style. The band I joined was already dark, so when I joined as lyric writer I continued with the theme. I find writing lighter pieces a real challenge and although I have written many, I am happier with the darker edge to my writing and stick to that mainly.

This particular piece, whilst still dark is most definetly based on two people who over time travel in different life paths. It was inspired by someone here at Neopoet. They had made an accusation about me which was incorrect and I chose to break that friendship. As time went on this individual returned to one of my posted works and said "I see we are back on the same page again". Their statement was far from true but it grated on my mind and became the theme for this piece, so I guess the relationship in the song is a metaphor for a failed friendship here on Neo!!

The bridge was originally the chorus and the heartbeat of this song, but as it developed it got pushed out and was for sometime, removed completely. As you can see, I brought it back as a bridge...which is also a little play on words Bridge/Bridge Lol!

Thanks for reading my friend...I hope one day we could try a co-write? A conversational piece...dark against light?

Anyway, for now, I thank you and I appreciate your comment,

regards,

HS

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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.

author comment

Something new for me, and quite a delight. I would love to hear this performed. One of the reasons I write poetry is because I find it difficult to speak... so performance poetry is something outside of my comfort zone. The outro just sent me on a voyage especially as I can relate... having done all those things and receiving from them a life's worth of memories and good times. Thanks for sharing. CB/FK

__________________________________________________
'Break, break break on thy cold grey stones, O Sea.'

CB/FK,

not sure if this one will make this album...but it has potential...maybe a single release...I'll let you know.

We used to have spoken poetry here, in the previous version of Neo. I did a spoken version of one of our songs called 'Spasm'...which has never been officially released...so I guess it was an exclusive Neo release!!

Just for you...here it is:

http://www.systemasynthetica.org/aggro/Spasm.rar

enjoy!

HS

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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.

author comment

Thanks for that. I will set aside some time this week just to absorb all that (Spasm) and then get back to you. Got house inspection so we are busy right now tidying up both the inside and outside of our present abode. The realty changed inspectors on us... the last one was a pleasant visit each time... this one is a realty-nazi....

Btw, that signature is so catchy... speaks out what I feel as a person; yet I continue to walk.... Cheers.CB/FK

__________________________________________________
'Break, break break on thy cold grey stones, O Sea.'

Enjoy Spasm at your leisure my friend.

House inspection!...I remember those in my early teen days of renting. I think we may have had the same Nazi!!

As for the signature, it was a line from one of my earlier pieces and I believe really sums up my life...anyway, another gift for you, here is the whole piece:

Earth

Everyone tells me that this earth is my home
Why is it, the longer I stay here, the more I feel alone?
This sense of not belonging, grows day by day
I need to get myself moving, I need to travel and roam

There will be no welcoming faces, as I pass right through
My only solitary companion will be the endless sky of blue
No final destination on my map of hopes and dreams
Just empty faces, closing doors, in all these places of new

With all that I am and all that I could be
I walk this earth and nobody sees me
With all that I am and all that I should be
I walk this earth and it doesn’t want me

With all that I am and all that I could be
I walk this earth yet nobody sees me
With all that I am and what I‘ve become
I walk this earth, its rejection, I'll overcome

My footprints disappear behind me with each step I take
No longer claustrophobic as I take in my escape
Free to be me, not forced to be someone I’m not
I slowly absorb my freedom, finally a purpose to stay awake

I am completely alone, I guess I have no choice
When I indulge in conversation, I am the only voice
With no friends, no love nor home
I am paying for actions unknown, paying the ultimate price

Kindest regards my friend,

HS

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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.

author comment

So sorry I just stumbled back right now instead of last year. I guess the server transfer and the fact that I am unable to be a paying member atm has something to do with my not getting notified of replies to my posts. Well, I am here now and that is what matters... and mate, I love this poem/song 'Earth!' It speaks eloquently of what I have experienced and sometimes still continue to experience. One of the reasons why I have begrudgingly chosen to come and share my poetry with www is to bring a small contribution to addressing this widening gap between people and not to become totally dissociated. Now we have names and faces to assign each other as well as pure thoughts and expressions that otherwise would remain bottled up or shelved in some dusty corner of libraries or hard drives. I am deeply appreciative of this gift you have so generously given. Cyas, Freds

__________________________________________________
'Break, break break on thy cold grey stones, O Sea.'

Freds,

I am a paying member and I also get no notification of replies to my posting. I am sure that will chnage when the official re-launch takes place. No need to apologise for missing the comment.

Glad you liked 'Earth' - It was written a while back now, but is still as true as the day it was written. I don't mind going unnoticed, I have never been one for attention anyway.

Thanks for responding my friend - I look forward to reading you in 2011,

regards,

HS

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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.

author comment

I read page
and thought twas a poets page

that famous guy who ?

all poet laurettes knew.
Hope you do too.

Pardon me for my slip
if any!

loved

I hope the disappointment wasn't too much for you to handle. Never expect the obvious from me.

regards,

HS

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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.

author comment

Accordingly.

After listening to 'Spasm' I re-read mindful of how it is rhythmically different to what I am probably more familiar with.... and it worked. Thanks for sending that over... When there is a recording out on 'Page' I would like to experience it as well. The musicality of your poems make them more accessible to the reading/listening public. Cheers, Freds

__________________________________________________
'Break, break break on thy cold grey stones, O Sea.'

Freds,

I am pleased you enjoyed the bare vocal version of Spasm. Should you wish to hear more of the band, be sure to check out:

www.systemasynthetica.net

Page will not make the upcoming album...but when it does become recorded, mixed and mastered, I'll let you have a copy.

Thanks for your kind words my friend,

HS

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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.

author comment

That would be sweet as!

__________________________________________________
'Break, break break on thy cold grey stones, O Sea.'

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