This is the second of your posts I have read. The first being "Demons in the Rough". I read and commented on that after having been invited to join The Shark Pool.
I like this poem considerably more than I like Demons. I'm something of a traditionalist in my work and the consistent meter (for the most part) and imaginative rhyme here made me feel more at home. Some of what I didn't like in the first poem though haunts me here. That is clarity and more specifically clarity in punctuation (when used). I'm not so particular as other poets about the perfection needed in all aspects of a poem, but the punctuation problems (using a comma after "and"), while not truly detracting, certainly doesn't add to the grace in language just below the surface. For example, the stanza starting "Forgotten, are all..." uses three commas throughout when only one makes any sense grammatically and the one in the middle is not really necessary.
Now the essence of the poem, this resignation, the near exhaustion at life comes across quite well and leaves me seeing myself in the morning looking at my long hair that needs shearing, the sores on my face from getting dragged in the dirt by my latest project horse, all the things that say age and life passing without me...That was the poem to me. And THAT was subdued, rich and honest.
I will go to your next poem in trepidation at your different grammatical style, but comfortable in the knowledge I will likely be moved.
wesley

Apology not necessary (and accepted if that's necessary). If you like rhymes you're okay by me. Being new around here, I'm rather overwhelmed by the sheer mass of poetry I would like to immerse myself in, but since I can't read everything over night I'm selecting "my poets" from a list of opportunities. I was invited to join The Shark's Pool and since we were attacking...um...critiquing your poem I wanted to have a look at what you've been doing. This is the first I've had time for. Since I'm enjoying what I read, it's pretty much a given I'll look in on most if not all of you.
If you've an opportunity, I would certainly be appreciative if you looked in on what I've been submitting. I've been composing an epic poem now for six years and the first canto can be found in my blog, but I've since been given permission to post directly to The Stream. I mention all this aforehand because the work is...large. But sites like this are the only places I can go to get any feedback (I'm surrounded by people who do not read poetry of any sort).
If this is within your (I read your reply above) pressured schedule, I would love to have another opinion. It's entitled "Çaço, Man of the Morning Star". I will see you in The Shark's Pool and another two or three of your posts. Get that computer fixed! And good luck with it.
wesley