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Out of Flux.....

Out of Flux

I curled two fingers round my pen,
then gave it simple instruction.
To write of now as well as then,
no quarter given to minds fluctuant..

Rage, rage the scribbles tore,
across unsuspecting tree bark.
Anger now put to folk lore,
resounding just as song of lark.

Not every word could fill the verse,
try as I might I surely failed.
In academia did my brain immerse,
still some common sense prevailed.

I fought my anger as well as ghoul,
describing fears ecstasy of thought.
Comments on hard knock or school,
I left them just as maybe they ought.

Madness is never made overnight,
slowly it slips up by your side.
Best not prolong this fractious fight,
embrace like groom or reluctant bride.

So as you see I’ve slipped on over,
to a marriage short but never brief.
I dare you now to find your other,
then find addiction beyond belief.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
It's only temporary, I think....
Editing stage: 

Comments

sliding seamlessly between seemingly disparate issues.

It didn't scan quite right to me but rather than parse it for you I thought I'd do a reading, ok?
https://soundcloud.com/neopoet/out-of-flux

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Thank you Jess, thoroughly enjoyed your reading. I'm going to look into sound cloud a bit more, see if I can use it. sorry for the late reply been a wee bit busy. Regards Roscoe....

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

author comment

Thank you Mark for your kind comments, as I said to Jess, sorry for the late reply. Regards Roscoe....

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

author comment

a lot. Don't really care about the scan. It made sense and rhymed very well. ~ Gee.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Thank you Gee, glad you enjoyed. Regards Roscoe....

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

author comment

You might end up with something like this, the changes are few and small.

I curled two fingers round my pen,
then gave it simple instruction.
To write of now as well as then,
with no mind’s fluctuation.

This same adjustment may be applied to the rest of the poem also.

Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

Thank you Keith, like your example and I will certainly give it some thought. But i'm a wee bit busy at the moment. Regards Roscoe...

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

author comment

Madness is never (made )?overnight

I feel maybe incorrectly
madness is a behaviour only

it originates from a so called mind set
may be it's only me
hope you will reconsider
the ''making'' of it

Sorry for my late reply I have been busy preparing to move house. I get what you mean about madness, and will think of a change that suits the condition. Regards Roscoe....

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

author comment

A great start to this one then somewhere it went off line, I liked all of it but the power in the first part dissipated.
The poem seemed to need a curtain call, a final scene to wake the nerves in us resting nomads..
Yours as always Ian..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

Thank you for your comments, I will give the ending some thought. Regards Roscoe...

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

author comment
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