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Our Night Sky (Anapestic Tetrameter)

Late at Night in the sky there are stars to be seen.
Constellations abound with a brilliance that’s keen.
But when gazing above bright suburbian glare
all I note is the darkness and stars that ain’t there.

About four in the morning bright Pollox is viewed.
Maybe Sirius, brightest of stars, white, blue hued
and Orion’s wide belt arcs from west to the east,
but there’s no Milky way. Where the Hell is my feast?

Can I find the damn Dog and its damn Puppy too?
All this lightning pollution won’t leave me a clue.
There’s a blue, blackish nebula and it won’t budge,
but my vision reveals but a dull purple smudge.

I would gaze at the stars, gain enlightenment rich.
In Los Angeles gazing at stars is a bitch.
Once again I will try late at night from my yard,
but I doubt much is left for my questing regard.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
I've been trying to learn the constellations at this late date in my life. It is difficult as Southern California only has visible sixteen of the six thousand stars.
Editing stage: 

Comments

Find the dippers and the bears? Star gazing is a bitch, I will agree. Orion was my favorite....easy to find....

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

awesome poem..I love the observatory there...i cali there are places empty for viewing still
but in the urbane it is utter inane...But look up....look up and aspire....

Loved star gazing....still do

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

but "the little dipper" (which is actually Ursa Minor) is too dim. The "big dipper" is an asterism (a piece of) Ursa Major and it is huge. I can find it. I can actually see Pollox, the twelfh brightest star in the sky, but cannot see any part of its constellation (Gemini). I am presently studying a twelve part lecture series from "The Great Courses" (Google it) and as soon as I have more information will be making a trek to the mountains.
I may not come back.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

author comment

Better come back....I haven't star gazed in forever

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

I can't remember when was the last time I looked up to count the stars or to see the moon. All we see here is skyscrapers that hit the clouds. No romantic scenes here, not even one.
Your poem evoked the child in me. I shall try to look tonight but not sure if I shall see anything sparkling up there.
The poem is simply awesome. It tells me a lot in few lines and guess what? I didn't need to check the dictionary. Are you sure that Wesley that I know wrote this same piece? :)
I really like it. I can't wait the audio workshop to start. Will you record this for us?

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
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but you must remember that I am computer illiterate, so I make no promises. I do have a microphone and can even find the recordings on my computer after making them. Getting them on NeoPoet however...

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

author comment

Shall tell you how to do it. No excuses :)

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

You Sir are one of the brightest star i've witnessed for a while, great poem. Regards Roscoe...

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

You sir, have made my day.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

author comment

really good stuff here, but when I want to really star gaze I go up to San Luis Obispo (SLO as we call it there) from Studio City and it is a true feast for the eye, when you lay on the beach at night. Everone in the sky is present. What a treat, when I go there from the starless New York City sky.

Eddie

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

really good stuff here, but when I want to really star gaze I go up to San Luis Obispo (SLO as we call it there) from Studio City and it is a true feast for the eye, when you lay on the beach at night. Everone in the sky is present. What a treat, when I go there from the starless New York City sky.

Eddie

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

I'm not the only one who wants to learn and understand the constellations. I wrote this poem as another example for my workshop. It is a humorous piece written in the traditionally lighthearted meter of Anapest. Can I get anyone to talk about the poetry? Nah, everyone wants to talk about the stars.
Go figure.
Well, I have now learned just how to find Venus, Mercury and Mars. They are all visible right now at sunset, though Venus will be the only one easy to view because she is bright.
Mercury will be higher up and to the south, but probably only visible through binoculars or a telescope. Mars is down almost at the horizon and is noticable because he really is red. However, he's pretty puny.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

author comment

A hobby.....

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

sometimes I wondered how you wouldn't stress words that are stressed usually just to find that the use of the same letters give a natural easy flow and won't need put much stress on. some examples here;

Line 1 ....Late at .....
S2 L2 ...stars white blue hued.........here 'stars' with 'white' & 'blue' with 'hued'
S3 L1....... 'damn Dog'
S3 L3 ......'blue blackish'

just some examples. How much I am close?

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

um...

writing poetry?
You seem to have a knack. All you need is a little formal training.
Write me a poem.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

author comment

were you talking to me??? what type of poem would you like and don't say a love poem because that just wont happen...LOL

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

I am a bit confused.
You ask to look at your write a little harder so I did, and this is what I found
from now on your getting the full attention when I read your poems
(keep teaching me I like it, he thinks to himself)

Stanza 1, L 3 suburbian-(suburbia or suburban)
Stanza 2, L 1 Pollox- did you mean, Pollux (β Gem, β Geminorum, Beta Geminorum) is a star in the northern constellation of Gemini, the Twins. It is an evolved giant star with an orange hue.
Also please explain to me the syllable count in lines 2 and 6

Late at Night in the sky there are stars to be seen. 12
Constellations abound with a brilliance that’s keen. 13
But when gazing above bright suburbian glare 12
all I note is the darkness and stars that ain’t there. 12
About four in the morning bright Pollox is viewed. 12
Maybe Sirius, brightest of stars, white, blue hued 11
and Orion’s wide belt arcs from west to the east, 12
but there’s no Milky way. Where the Hell is my feast? 12
Can I find the damn Dog and its damn Puppy too? 12
All this lightning pollution won’t leave me a clue. 12
There’s a blue, blackish nebula and it won’t budge, 12
but my vision reveals but a dull purple smudge. 12
I would gaze at the stars, gain enlightenment rich. 12
In Los Angeles gazing at stars is a bitch. 12
Once again I will try late at night from my yard, 12
but I doubt much is left for my questing regard. 12

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

"Suburbian" is a nonce word (a word developed for a single purpose). It is not a common word. These things don't go over well in drama, but in whimsy they fit comfortably.
"Pollox" is an alternative spelling and not the more common of the two. I have no idea why I used it other than laziness in checking the spelling (which abounds in the literature I'm using to figure this out).
Now...
I always encourage my proteges to use words in their most natural and common pronunciations.
"Brilliance" is pronounced with but two syllables in most cultures. I personally would never use three. I suspect this is where you counted the extra syllable. It may be how you pronounce the word naturally or... be wary of a "poetic voice". Sometimes poets over pronounce words when reading or writing poetry. Their natural way of just plowing through a word in conversation often takes a back seat to a much more elaborate pronunciation when reading poetry.
I do indeed appreciate a little attention to the poem, particularly the meter which is what I wanted to have noticed as an example for the workshop.
And lastly, just as a thought, the shop did precisely what I was hoping it might do for me and my poetry. I was forced to write a number of poems in a short period of time that required Dactyl and Anapest meters. It took my struggling with them and gave me, through practice, the ability to write easily in those forms. I may not write good poetry, but it is nice to be able to use those meters easily to write my junk.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

author comment

thank you for the explanation, but what about line 6 which I count eleven (11)?

Eddie

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

How do you scan it?

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

author comment

Obviously I scan it wrong.
Explanation please on how to scan that line?

Eddie

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

Maybe Sir- / i-us, bright- / est of stars, / white, blue hued (the last foot is actually a series of Phyrrics, but as I have mentioned before- the location in the verse, last of all, allows them to adopt whatever meter has gone before, so it is vitally important to know not only "how" a word or phrase scans, but "where" it is located).
 

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

author comment

thank you, I do not know what Phyrrics means or can find it in any dictionary or reference books, the only word or spelling is "Pyric-related to burning"

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

A poetic foot of two unaccented syllables.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

author comment
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