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OUR HUNCHBACK

Black skin glows
Tough and toxic we are,
The strength of the horse attached to the hoe of the earth.

The black head is far from light, he said.
The squirrel hole you should probe
Our hunchback distinct theirs,
Which pushes us back to our root, again and again.

Our affliction is born before the sun,
Even from the footage of the ancestors it lies
The mastermind of the rancorous vultures,
Feasting on a beautiful dream to come; I guilt them not.

Everyone grows a hunchback
The one leading our head in one direction
Then how can our eye see the sky
Or our ear be on the ground.

Who will hear me when I speak light?
Or see the infant light; untapped
When our families hunchback cries for attention
That draws us far from every step near.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

This challenges deep fear in every reader, black, white or the fear of the different. I'm not surprised it has gone so long without response.

Poetically it is fine work. The subject is very confronting. I can not offer any critique, only my reading. I hope it does it some justice. With your permission I would like to post it on Neopoet.com on Facebook, with or without my reading, your choice.

Also please post a better picture of yourself, the one here is very blurry when posted on Facebook.
https://soundcloud.com/neopoet/our-hunchback-by-chiori

cheers,
Jess
Everything changes bar one. Neopoet's 'Prime Directive'-
"Critique don't comment".
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

your wish is granted weirdeff and also my pleasure

always remember to make a critique of other poems
using the hoe is not madness for nothing

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