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Orfeo (merely an exercise in peeing and moaning)

I have lost Eurydice, the one
who now dwells among the blessed spirits
in Elysium. Oh, torment!
She can no longer hear me,
and so I speak of her into the rising
breeze that whisks my laments
but not my love away.

Across sulfurous Phlegraean Fields
I wander, searching for the entrance
to Elysium. Only hot lava’s flow I find.
From beneath the fragile crust
of cooling pumice, through open
crevices I hear lost furies’ enraged cries.

Hazy visions of Hades’ specters;
dragon-winged Pluto gazes
fiercely through burning charcoal eyes,
beckoning—nay—
demanding that I enter to join
multitudes of writhing souls.

Ah, be gone accursed spirits
doomed to gnaw each others bones;
let me find my chancy way
to the blessed spirits’ fair abode.

I hear god Vulcan grumbling
as his bellows fan the flames of inner
earth. Violent tremors; Solfatara’s
crater rumbles; our houses soon shall
crumble and I must flee this cursed spot—

Oh, such longing words of love I whisper
into the shifting breeze, hoping that,
somehow, they’ll reach her; but I fear . . .
she hears me not.

Then, of what use is my entreaty,
of what value are my futile sighs?

Lo—I feel the gentle touch—perhaps
that of a guardian angel’s hand? Even as
my erring foot breaks through
the fragile lava crust, I sense
my love’s presence. Soon, quite soon
I shall join her in a happy roundelay.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Last few words: 
This write is merely a free write.
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

didn't see much urine in the nice piece above. just kidding... liked the use of the mythological characters a lot

killed off all the weeds and flooded the anthill. Thanks very much, Ray. Jerry

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author comment

...enjoy a good piss.

xxx
Edna
Poet(ess) to the Stars

we men got to make certain the plumbing is working; thanks.
J.K

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>Please visit my website: www.jerrykspoetry.com

author comment

a good a piss and moan as I have ever heard. It must have felt as good as it sounded. I too, loved the use of the mythological
souls. Great free write and much ado about nothing in particular. ~ Geez.
.

Our Chatroom is open 24/7 Feel free to use it for
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another old geezer (lol) wrote an operetta (light opera) named Orpheus in Hades that I happened to watch the night before last. Ding-dong, my effort to turn that same farce into a genuine slapstick comedy miserably failed; everybody seems to applaud my unintended effort to create a drama--except for my insertion of all that peeing and moaning; (but I mourn the absence of several ladies of our community whom I must have offended . . . . ) Okay, good friend; thank you for liking Orfeo. Jerry

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>Please visit my website: www.jerrykspoetry.com

author comment

I were more acquainted with said operetta, and realized the comedic bent, I would have been more likely to have taken it as such. Forgive my ignorance. [It was still a good write and I did get the idea that it were Much ado about nothing]. ~ Gee

Our Chatroom is open 24/7 Feel free to use it for
keeping in touch We have poets around the world and it is fun
to have real-time conversations with those that are up
all night or on the other side of the world.
.

considering the lack of information, you did just fine; the fault is mine. Let Orfeo stand as a tragedy or serious opera with peeing and moaning in the orchestra pit, lol. Thank you. J.

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>Please visit my website: www.jerrykspoetry.com

author comment

beautifully done, and spiritual throughout. And because its spiritual,
its also eternal, meaning it will seem natural even to readers in the distant future. I also enjoyed the coherent way I was taken from beginning to end.
As I read it I knew the spirit would be reunited with lover, I also like the way you did it.

T

The most powerful reaction
of mind on mind
is transference of sight

had I known my Orfeo would earn such fine applause from you, I would have put greater effort into my impromptu write. Thank you for liking my effort. I feel honored, to say the least, kind sir. Jerry

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>Please visit my website: www.jerrykspoetry.com

author comment
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