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The Order Of The Bitch (eddy styx)

Order Of The Bitch

a black heart
formed from
the darkest pitch
of a cold and sterile night

a shriveled soul
came to dwell
in a misshapen body
as evil wings took flight

corruption
was her teacher
true companion
from a tender age

the seeds of hell
were planted in her psyche
rage and damnation
burned upon the page

she grew to be
a twisted wretch
without reason
quietly insane

While she took
her perverted pleasure
of discomfort and rain
in the arms of another persons pain

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

This is a brave write.
The read goes well until the stanza before the last where i felt a bit stumbled with its meaning but maybe it's only me.
Thanks for sharing and eddy

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

I will take another look at that verse. Thanks for reading, you're a peach!

always, eddy (& cat)

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

author comment

Eddy is mixing with the wrong women, twisted sisters a good name for a girl band or a tourniquet around the neck not sure how bad he is here..
Good piece but where's Eddy??? I shall do some research....
Yours as always Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Yes, eddy has been with some foul birds! This is his take on one woman in particular. Thanks for reading.

always, Cat (& eddy)

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

author comment

This reads a lot better now you have trimmed a few edges.
I am having trouble with Stanza two.....

a shriveled soul
came to dwell (Dwelling within)
in a twisted body (a twisted body)
as evil wings took flight

Would the soul not already be there in some dreadful state ????
I rarely query a line or two, so I hope you do not mind.
The word Came seemed wrong to me as this should have always been.
Take care young lady Walk with the demons but remember the light.
Yours as always Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

I do not mind your questions :) I will work on the section you are having trouble with and see what I can do to resolve it. Thank you for your review and polite concerns.

always, eddy (& cat)

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

author comment

You seem to understand my dark side very well!

always, eddy (& cat)

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

author comment

In the arms of another persons pain.

I sat thinking about that for awhile and you know what poetry is meant to do that, make you think to wake up an emotion whatever it happens to be. Yes I sat thinking about this for awhile.

and welcome to neopoet! Thank you for giving my poetry a try and thinking about it. I am the male alter ego of Candlewitch/Cat. And it is so good to have you here!

always, eddy (& cat)

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

author comment

The poem is sonically disjointed;(you set up rhyme and metre schemes and then abandon them) better to write in free verse. There is no originality of expression eg 'twisted sister' is hackneyed.
sorry to be so blunt but that's how I see it
regards
ross

Thank you for your opinion. But if you read again, you will find that my poem is clearly marked as free verse under style/type.

always, eddy (& cat)

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

author comment

your poem has a rhyme scheme, night/flight, age/page etc, this not free verse, anyway that is not my crit, more the content,
'I want the raw truth...' so I that's what I gave you
sorry if it hurt
regards
ross

free verse

free verse noun
nonmetrical verse: verse without a fixed metrical pattern, usually(byt not always) having unrhymed lines of varying length.
Also called vers libre

Encarta® World English Dictionary © & (P) 1999,2000 Microsoft Corporation. All rights reserved. Developed for Microsoft by Bloomsbury Publishing Plc.

always, Cat

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

author comment

just love – favourite stanza
‘a black heart
formed from
the darkest pitch
of a cold and sterile night’

excellent write

I did stumble at
‘and true companion
from a tender age’
the scansion is out somehow… I want the rhythm from the previous stanzas to continue, as it does in the following… perhaps if you drop the ‘and’?

one other little thing
‘in the arms of another persons pain’ (person’s – ownership apostrophe) - favourite line btw

love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

Thank you for your helpful comments making useful suggestions. Your critique is top drawer, as usual. It is always appreciated when you also point out what you liked about the piece. Many people, me included, could learn from your style of critique.

always, eddy (& cat)

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

author comment

its the psychological "key" that turns pandoras box open
or at least on its side for thought in this..
something different and I like it for that

sociopaths and psychopaths are free of the limited
confines of feeling and conscience
actions are mere workings for the end means
which may be vast or strikingly trivial

all in the meaning and context of personal
relation

your descript of cruelty of an individual
here is very clearly defined
but you leave me with the ringer at the end
in the motivation of the action
...

and this is what stumbles society and
intimate behaviour settings between
two or more

Everyone believes in the light..the good
it is our social construct to throw the
lifeline
or be exposed and open when weak

when others somehow
or make their way into
"the arms" of so many
in these moments is the human
moment...

without this we would truly destroy
each other long before this
and with it we have pulled one another
from the murk

and also have kept our most primitive
and intelilgent sides at our very side
so to speak

Vikings used to throw stones
for decisions two white one black
or two black one white

a basic one to three configuration

the rhyme runs smooth in this work

and I like the fabric of sadism
the descript of insane here
to make the reader consider

a great thought provoking work Cat!

Thank You!

Thank you for your in-depth review. I found it fascinating. I just love the way your mind works!

always, eddy (& cat)

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

author comment
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