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Options

Options

Loneliness leads me to madness
Standing on the precipice
Of survival and defeat
Where life and death
Finally meet

Loneliness leads me to sadness
Standing at the crossroads
Of truth and deceit
Where courage and fear
Finally meet

And so I choose
From options
Aimed to confuse

And so I choose
From options
I can't diffuse

Solitude leaves me so helpless
Falling from the precipice
Of honesty and cheat
Where right and wrong
Finally meet

Solitude leaves me so useless
Stepping on the crossroads
Of attack or retreat
Where dark and light
Finally meet

And so I choose
From options
I can't deduce

And so I choose
From options
Weighted to lose

© 2011 hoodedstranger.com

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

The subtle contrasts in the motivations of options' choices is very well done here.................scribbler

Stan,

glad you noticed them - thanks my friend,

HS

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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.

author comment

HS,

I like the way the verses repeat , gradually advancing the theme and meaning.

Correct me if i'm wrong, but to me you are saying when you are depressed, there doesn't appear to be any way out.

I can relate.

Lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

Lou,

thanks for reading and commenting.

The message is that the depression only allows me a few choices from a limited range of options and none of them are particularly entertaining. Trapped in depression with no way out...yup you got it and I appreciate that you can relate to that feeling.

Thanks mate,

HS

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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.

author comment

I see lots of options, even though it sounds like the poem has already made it's choice.
this stanza is my favorite;
"Solitude leaves me so useless
Stepping on the crossroads
Of attack or retreat
Where dark and light
Finally meet"

I love the tempo you kept throughout the write, smoothly carrying the reader to its final concussion. I truly believe that you took the best of two worlds (dark and Light) and joint them at the hip to create a new entity.
incredible write my dark friend. I read it twice, because it gave me great pleasure to say each word.
Eddie C.

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

Eddie,

the suffocating and claustophobic feeling of depression can leave you chasing limited options...I tried to capture that.

It was written as lyrics so I am pleased the tempo showed through.

Thanks for the comment my friend - I always look forwasrd to your views,

kind regards,

HS

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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.

author comment

Shirl,

I am pleased you enjoyed this write. It is simple in structure but I did play with the words and make subtle changes to the options and the verses as it progressed.

The scales of life - I like that, although in this case the scales are already weighted against you.

Thanks for dropping in my friend,

HS

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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.

author comment

Yenti,

your main reply is a few doors down I'm afraid...not sure why, but there it is.

I did want to thank you for your comment about the 'footprints in the sand". Find below a quick draft of the poem/lyric I have just written in relation to that comment:

Footprints

Loneliness eats away at my heart
Constant gnawing and biting
The only evidence that I'm still around
Are my darkened imprints drifting behind me
In the blood soaked and unforgiving ground

Solitude tears away at my soul
Endless ripping and shredding
The only proof that I'm still around
Are my shadowed imprints flowing behind me
In the shame filled and unrelenting ground

I turn and stare at the fading sun
I am alone but I am being followed
A thousand footprints upon the sand
Sharing my moment in this wasteland
Where I don't exist and can't understand

I turn and peer at the rising moon
I am alone but I am being followed
A thousand footprints upon the sand
Sharing my moment in this strange land
Where I don't fit in and have been banned

Detachment erodes away at my mind
Perpetual breaking and clawing
The only evidence that I'm of any worth
Are my blackened imprints chasing behind me
In the guilt ridden and unforgiving earth

Isolation consumes away at my world
Continuous polluting and decaying
The only proof that I'm of any worth
Are my stained imprints tracing behind me
In the pain choked and unrelenting earth

© 2011 hoodedstranger.com

Kind regards,

HS

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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.

author comment

I'm glad I decided to read through the comments - otherwise I wouldn't have gotten to read Footprints. (You really should throw Footprints in the stream for others to enjoy as well). I can easily identify with the thoughts and feelings you expressed in this poem. I have a little problem with the wording of the first line in the last stanza, "Isolation consumes away at my world". The grammar is a bit off with the way that is worded - a better wording might be, "Isolation gnaws away at my world ".

It is such a secret place, the land of tears. ~Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

BH,

thanks for your comment.

The 'Footprints' piece was knocked up quite quickly in a few minutes and hasn't yet gone through a proper edit yet...that said, the line you have highlighted doesn't sit well at does need some attention.

Thanks for your alternative, I probably won't use 'gnaws' as I have used 'gnawing' in the second line of stanza one, but a similar word is definetly required - so thanks for that. Maybe 'scours away or grates away?'

Thanks as always for your time and comment,

regards,

HS

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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.

author comment

Seren,

then I will simply thank you for reading it.

regards,

HS

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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.

author comment

JayCee,

it's ok, although I didn't intend it to have that kind of punch!

You come back when you are feeling better - no apology required my friend.

HS

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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.

author comment

Yenti, (apologies but this reply has fallen down a few levels!)

depression can alienate the sufferer and despite the promises of help from loved ones...that isn't always true. Depression frightens not only the individual but the loved ones too...often leaving the depressed alone to fend for themselves. I like the idea of the only footprints in the sand being my own. Sometimes solitude makes us stronger and gives us the survival instinct when little other choices are available.

I would appreciate it if you could expand on the comment about it being a 'little bitty'. I only ask as this is intended to be a song and flow is important so I may need to re-edit if it does have the feel of being 'bitty'.

I thank you kindly for your comments...you can always find a positive thing to say, however dark I try to write!...That is truly a gift you have my friend.

Kindest regards,

HS

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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.

author comment

Yenti,

thanks for explaining the 'bitty' comment. I see where you are coming from.

To date my band have released about 20 songs. The song structure we tend to use is two verses, two choruses, a bridge and then two verses and a repeat of the two choruses.

Your structure offers one verse, one chorus, one verse and one chorus etc. I don't see any reason why that wouldn't work at all. Thanks for that, I will go away and work with that in mind.

Kind regards and thanks for spending time working with me on this one,

regards,

HS

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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.

author comment

"Solitude leaves me so useless
Stepping on the crossroads
Of attack or retreat
Where dark and light
Finally meet"

~ Was wondering if dark and light are supposed to be read into? If so, 'where Heaven and Hell (finally meet)' I think would be a good substitution.

"And so I choose
From options
Weighted to lose"

~ Outstanding closing lines.

Can definitely see the 6 of one half dozen of another.

Jess,

the 'dark' and 'light' in this piece for me is more of 'good' and 'bad' rather than 'Heaven' and 'Hell'. I don't believe in 'Heaven' or 'Hell' so I'd rather not substitute them in this particular case.

'Dark' and 'light' is used quite loosley so to the reader they can be whatever they decide, but for me, it's 'good' and 'bad'...but I am not saying which one is 'good' and which is 'bad'.

The closing lines are the closing chorus and are my favourite parts of the piece.

Thanks for commenting,

HS

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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.

author comment

Solitude leaves me so helpless
Falling from the precipice
Of honesty and cheat
Where right and wrong
Finally meet

Solitude leaves me so useless
Stepping on the crossroads
Of attack or retreat
Where dark and light
Finally meet

To me there is no other feeling worse than helplessness and having no power to effect what is happening. These lines brought back recent memories and opened a floodgate of tears. uselessness is the next worst feeling. I hope that you never feel like that again. To me, depression is Hell. Loved the ending lines.

love, Cat

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

Cat,

sorry this became an emotional read for you. It was an emotional one for me and wasn't the easiest write I have ever done.

I don't think I will ever break free of these feelings - I have had them since aged 10, and it shows no sign of retreating. It is easier to count my good days than the bad...but somehow you just manage to get on with it regardless.

Better to have a limited range of options than none at all.

I know you understand these feelings too...writing about them is supposed to help...but it doesn't work like that for me.

Thanks for reading and commenting, on obviously a piece that you also found disturbing and upsetting. We have to focus on the good things, you have Steve, I have Julie, and we all have each other.

regards,

HS

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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.

author comment

Rosina,

I thought you'd understand this write. We've been there, and got the t-shirt ain't we!

Wee fab pal!...lol!

You are doing a great job with your depression...stay strong...and lean on me when you need it...I won't let you fall.

CD was posted today by the way.

regards,

HS

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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.

author comment

hood it has being a long scroll down the comments to get to leave one
on this post lol, it has all being said above hey I found the opening stanza
flowed of the tongue with such ease, it all fits so well, your a pleasure to
read as always,( well so far anyway ) LOL ,,,,,,,ziggy

I salute anyone who breaks the rules in the interest of art and great poetry writing just as much as I admire poets who craft meter and verse within the confines of good grammar. Walk the tight rope or jump from it and see if you can fly.

Zigs,

this one did get a few comments...you just can't tell how people will react until you post it.

This one is definetly going through the recording/editing/mixing and mastering process.

Glad you liked the first stanza...the first one has to capture the audience, otherwise they skip the track and move on!

Thanks for commenting my friend,

HS

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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.

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