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Open your eyes up

Listen to them talk that talk

Bout all that made up shit

Saying that there life is hell

And that they really hate to life

Wishing for a better car

Or their ex to take them back

While I’m sitting here with hardcore pain

And my brain is starting to crack

Open your eyes up girls

Your life really ain’t that bad

You live in your designer homes

And your mom don’t beat your dad

Driving that fancy car

With billion-dollar clothes

While I sit on my rusty hood

Feeling beat up and alone

Now I’m walking to detention hall

While they complain bout there broken nail

Flip their hair and wave their hands

To any creature that is male

Now I’m broke no dinner for me

As they blow cash for their crappy tans

Ima paint my nails blood red

And ignore the cops commands

Open your eyes up girls

Your life really ain’t that bad

You live in your designer homes

And your mom don’t beat your dad

Driving that fancy car

With billion-dollar clothes

While I sit on my rusty hood

Feeling beat up and alone

Now I’m packing up and heading away

To a school for naughty girls

In hopes to turn me into a blond

That wears diamonds and chunky pearls

Open your eyes up girls

I’ve forgotten what its like to be poor

I live in my designer home

And my dad don’t live no more

Open your eyes up girls

My hands are covered in gore

Now I'm rich as hell

And my mom don’t live no more

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
This is a song I wrote about how the pretty and popular girls i'm "friends" with complain about everything when they have so much and i'm going through a bunch. Sorry about the language. (This song is an exaggeration btws. My parents are alive)
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Explicit Content

Comments

I suggest that you drop the word "up" from the title as it is redundant. and change:"and my mom don't live no more" to and my mom doesn't live anymore. I'm sure that other poets reading your poem will have more suggestions. goof angsty work. good luck.

*hugs, Cat

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