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Open Sepulcre.

From outer-space i behold,
a beautiful blue sphere,
what a splendid planet i comment,
look closely i am told,
what you see will feel you with fear,
so i looked kaleidoscopically;my eyes in torment,
past the green trees in the Amazon,
past the vast desert,
looking for something worth fearing,
in the animal kingdom i gazed at the sleeping Lion,
my eyes moving incessant,
endlessly searching but finding nothing,
till reason pointed my eyes to Adam,
I looked upon my kind,
i shivered from the activities of Man,
how he brings the Earth harm,
the earth's in a bind;pure air is hard to find,
all because of the negligence of man,
trees felled daily like soldiers in Iraq,
Gaea is choked by the smoke from the forests we burn,
lands plundered in search of sapphire,
for wealth's sake the seas are turned black,
glaciers melting daily like ice-cream under the sun,
innocent animals caught in the crossfire,
the Earth's green is sickly,
the ozone is depleted so my skin suffers sun burn,
I am poisoned by the food of my lungs,
on all the seven days i am weakly,
the Earth's an open sepulcher,
clean outside inwardly full of dead men bones,
For the vine-dressers have destroyed the vine,
indeed an open sepulcher,
we live in a glass-house yet we throw stones,
Mother nature is dying, why do we destroy our home,
it is where we were gotten from, and where we will return,
let's save our biome,
for our sake and for seeds yet unborn, lets avert the impending storm,
for Earth will remain long after were gone.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
A poem i wrote for the globe on World Earth day 2009.
Editing stage: 

Comments

5th sentence should be fill?
It is where we are gotten from? would be better if it read it is where we came from
long after were did you mean we're or better still we are
line 28 dead man bones how about dead men's

You started off looking down at ADAM how did you get to Iraq
very confusing

then you are speaking about the sun burning you
how could this be if you are looking down at earth

I see where you wanted to take this poem
but it becomes very confusing to the reader to have to sort out who is who and what etc

perhaps another look at it by you might help

I know it is so much easier not to use your caps key but please try to
i=I

Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)

You wandered a lot in your thoughts on this one, that was ok but rap it to yourself and then find where the flow is wrong.
At one point you went from Earth to Gaea then back to Earth this was not needed, you can keep one name there.
As China Blue said about the troops in Iraq they will and did fall but that is another story and not really belonging to this piece of our Planet

the earth's in a bind;pure air is hard to find,
all because of the negligence of man,
trees felled daily like (soldiers in Iraq), (Matchsticks thrown from a box)
(Gaea) (My Earth home) is choked by the smoke from the forests we burn,
lands plundered in search of sapphire,

Anyway great to have you with us and hope that we can all talk of your ways, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

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