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oooooo darkness
O darkness
Keep creating
as you wish
and
O smiling man
you will again run
and
enjoy fun
get out of the gloom
let others doom
you swim
in
and
out
get it
Do
Life is only fun
of the kind we all know
and do
till life's end we all continue
you may also do
if you wish to
Use it or lose it
it's entirely up to you
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
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UNIVERSE...ETERNITY C/O ME
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Comments
weirdelf
Thu, 2016-12-22 14:42
hmmm, a disturbing pome, well done, my dear
It's the juxtaposition of light-hearted sounding lines against the sombre concept.
The line-
let others doom
bemuses me. Do you mean it in the sense of letting others create doom or leave others to their doom?
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
lovedly
Thu, 2016-12-22 16:48
any way
either you doom
or
others come to doom
thanks jess
you come
not to this time
me
doom
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