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ONE DROP OF LOVE LEFT

I have just one drop of love left,
My last bit of nerves ebbing through,
One last precious bead from love's reft,
And I want to give it to you.

How laughter decorates your sweet face
An angel with such amazing grace
That I write this falling from the highs
Into the deep abyss of your eyes.

Look into my eyes and see a heart very true
A vegetation of affection spreading through,
And it takes two souls to make affection grow strong,
You are the only right thing in a world so wrong.

Your eyes and your lips love, they leave a picture still
Hanging on the wall of my heart, adept, surreal!

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

One drop is all i need from love
I like the rhythm n it gave me a
smile. Thanks for sharing.

a [reft]? I don't think that [vegetation] is the right word to use. Maybe the carpet of affection? I think that it would still give the impression of spreading. ~ Geezer.
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Drey, nice. It's so hard to pull off another love sonnet that is enjoyable to read, but you have done it.
Love the rhyme at the end, works great. A bit too many "eyes"

That I write this falling from the height (not high, it's ok to slant rhyme)
Into the deep abyss of your eyes.

Look into my eyes and see a heart very true
A vegetation of affection spreading through,

Your eyes and your lips love, they leave a picture still

.
Maybe work around them with that the eye does- Gaze, stare, look, glance.as there are few other words to use for eyes (you can't use "peepers" etc)

but really you use this form so nicely and created a very tender love poem.

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

I will check em out, thanks!

Hommies

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