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once upon a time (adult content) revised

evening fades to velvet...

on a backdrop of black
he is as wildfire in the sky
she feels the heat on her back
where he forever smolders
as a timeless danger
but to her aching needs
he is no shadowed stranger.

her outcry...

sounds of exquisite pain
oh, such pleasure echoes
remembering fields where they'd lain
on sweet scented grasses
as day turned to night
sun and moon passes

Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Explicit Content

Comments

oh my, dont you know its in the 40's here, wooow hot stuff, the emotion in this is fantastic, your title makes this full of sensual feeling yet brings much beauty, once upon a time, how lovely. and i'm a prude.

Thank you...Teddy

LOL! you've just made my day with your lovely comment! do you think I should replace "sweet smelling grasses" with sweet scented grasses? I value your opinion.

*hugs, Cat

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

author comment

Is so much more "yes"

Thank you...Teddy

The problem being you are one of my original teachers, how could I ever see anything except beauty in your work? and I thank you with all my heart forever. A Mentor and so much more. But I shall try to be more picky in the future lol

I'll put my bets on stan, who has become somewhat grumpy in old age, as he would say lmao!

Thank you...Teddy

you are really kind. I hope you know how much I appreciate that.

love ya, Cat

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

author comment

this is the kind of stuff you are seasoned at and you did it in a style of your own...stimulating indeed...

raj (sublime_ocean)

thanks raj, greatly appreciated is your visit!!!

*hugs, Cat

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

author comment
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