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OMEN

After something extra normal happens
Often, you hear people claim to be seers
They saw the sign and knew it was coming
Yet, they did nothing to avert teardrops

The crow we heard close-by implied a loss
A portent call from the underworld spirits
A family mourned one of theirs at noon
So we called the guiltless bird evil envoy

Entrenched fearful belief of our people
Children chase the birds away with stones
Go to where there are many wooden spoons
They shout, another ill death is averted

Warning objects differ amongst people
The black cat, a spider hanging up there
Eyelid tickling, a snake on the pathway
Premonition has creepy ways with man

Forecasts need not be bad or in poor health
For some carry fine messages of hope
Like the positive feeling we get, first time
On an eventual successful endeavour

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Comments

in the last two lines, which I regard as ignorant as the negative omens mentioned in the rest of the poem, this is nicely crafted and meaningful.

Now, don't tell anyone I said this, but I think you could learn something about making your poetry more accessible and fun to read by looking into the works of Ephraim Crud on this site.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

May be I should look for a neutral positive element to replace the overt religious reference of the last two lines, which has weaken the attempt to balance the negative at the begining of the piece. for example:

Like the peaceful feeling we get, first time
On an eventual successful endeavor

Did I get it wrong, I mean, does 'omen' have to be nagative always as in warning or premonition as opposed to haunch. Having taken it as forecast, I sort for the balance in the seeming positive

Thank you and best wishes.

tr

A rekindled faith - Dancing in the Light

author comment

and yes, you have used omen correctly.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

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