Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Old Tarlon's Song

Oh! The duke of Albany,
he had ten thousand men
he marched them to the top of a hill,
then he marched them down again.

Then when they were up, one day
he marched them even more,
He kept them going and didn’t stop
‘til their feet were blistered sore.

He led his army forces
and set out for a quay,
wearing battle boots and crimson coats,
and shipped them over sea.

He took his troops to Holland
to neutralize its fleet
but his soldiers died in Castricum,
so he pulled back in retreat.

They fought, alongside Russians
In rancid filth and gore,
deceased in seventeen ninety nine
In the brutal bloody war.

So the duke of Albany,
he lost ten thousand men,
for when he led them over the hill
they never came back again.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
This poem is loosely based on the historical events of 1799 at the battle of Castricum in Holland. Prince Frederick, Duke of York and Albany ( who may or may not be the Duke Of York as sung in the famous nursery rhyme ) was commander in general - allied with Russia against France and Holland. Tarlton is credited with authoring the rhyme "The Grand Old Duke Of York".
Editing stage: 


The first stanza is as the original which to me is a non, as you are rewriting the poem/Nursery Rhyme then just a ref in the footnotes would be OK.
Your story of an historic event that is told to the children in rhyme is good, I would like to see just the skeleton of the original in there.
Even the Duke of Dork making many errors would bring a great smile to the children who read it, it is now a grownups piece LOL
I re-streamed "As You Grow" this one also has Welsh connections,
and poor Digit has been put on hold for a while I just wonder if he is thinking of a holinight abroad for a month or two ???
Have a lovely day, Yours Ian.T

There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

It's always good to hear other peoples points of view. Not sure I have the skill to change this one - I'll have to see. Lol Poor Digit - he's been working so hard he probably needs to recharge his batteries. I'm sure he'll make up for lost time when he gets back. He he

Thanks for dropping by to read and comment.

Love Mand xxxxx

author comment

No wonder this duke of whatever lost so many men .
In the first stanza he was Albany then the duke of York again.
Still the work, as his war, must go on as I do some times
But it is because I is older, and have heard all these nursery rhymes.

Of late we have had a few, I struggled with a crooked man
Then someone else with Black riding Hood got in a jam.
Now the Duke and the demise of his his ten thousand men
Maybe we should make new ones up and put to pen.

La La Have a lovely day out there, you know I care, Yours Ian.T

There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Thanks for your input Ian. Nice of you to drop by to read and comment. Have a nice day. I'll be by later to catch up on your work.

Keep safe

Loads of love - Mand xxxxx

author comment

I would leave it just as it is, it shows how they thought of wars back then. Especially how little they thought of working people, who'm they forced into service of the crown. And how inept those idiots from the upper echelons were, who sent men to their deaths, while it was not allowed to target officers. Love Roscoe...

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

Roscoe. I breathed a sigh of relief when i read your comment, I was having problems in trying to think of ways to change the begining and end. You have hit on the button the reason why I updated the old nursry rhyme - I hope it dosen't offend to many people. But I'm glad, at least, that you liked it the way it is. So I really appreciate you coming by to read and express your opinion - having said that I will take on board what Ian says, but I'll wait and see what others think - if any more come to to comment that is. Lol

author comment
(c) No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.