Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Old and New

One single instant
took me from
the ruins of mortality,
and plucked the glide
of gleaming thread
that was my life,
until I thought Atrophe
had used her shears.

And perhaps she did;
snipping at the endless
thread that Clotho spun,
first from Destiny,
then from all choice
I made through winding
maze of wondrous life.

She cut through
the rainbow thread
that gleamed so bright
with Lachesis’
iridescent shades,
colors wrought from every
instance of experience
welling from my being.

Yet in the end,
although the parted thread
curled about Atrophe’s
fearful shears
and futility arose,
another came to grasp
the twisting ends,
and meld them back into
a continuity bereft of fate.

She is wrought from
technology and science,
a mastery of medicine
that pulled me from
the dark abyss
and left me naked and newborn
upon the further, stranger shore,
where destiny collapses,
and all the colors burn away
into pathless freedom’s living,

and now there is no doubt,
no fear to limit life;
I have crossed the Chasm,
escaped the blind oblivion
the Fates would have me
languish in,
and risen to my feet,
a dragon new in power,
wings spread in joy,
shaken free of miniscule death.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

anything I would say would be glib. This poem is perfect as it stands. Beautiful use of imagery
I've nothing to add correct or change
I'm just so taken by the beauty of these words a lot of thought had to have gone into it

Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)

I'm glad that someone finally read it!
I was thinking about death - I do that a lot, these days - when someone mentioned fate and destiny. Then I read a reference to the Norns - the Odic fates - then I went to Greek mythology, and it all just seemed to fit my circumstances, so I wrote this.
Thanks Chrys, I'm glad that you enjoyed it so much.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

I notice that often your poetry is based on real life experiences and events witnessed directly or indirectly and you blend it with a lot of thought, language skills rhythm, something for the one's like me to learn and assimilate and for the seasoned poets like Chrys to respond with appreciative comment.

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

Yes, most of my poetry is at least inspired by real events, directly or indirectly experienced.
I'm glad that you find my work so useful!
Thanks for your enjoyment,

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.