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Old '64

You still didn’t have your license
- at eighteen! - I thought it was kind of funny
since I was driving at fifteen or so

We practiced in my five-hundred-dollar car
with your slightly bruised ego for company
The radio playing music we liked
keeping demons barely at bay

But all I could really think about
was your peculiar smile competing with the sun
wrapped in a flower print dress
trimmed in white lace

I talked about old books, and why I liked them
to keep you from being nervous about your driving
You liked old books too,
but admitted you’d probably never read them;
although their weight and texture
still made you feel connected
to all the experiences you imagined within

No matter your troubles with driving back then,
you still seemed to find a kind of peace,
a calm even, that somehow found you there
behind the wheel of my old ’64

I'm grateful for these simple memories
and all the things you taught me;
about grace gently hidden below the surface
underneath the beautifully broken

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Thanks for your feedback, and the welcome to Neopoet Teddy! Glad you enjoyed this. Looking forward to seeing work from the poets on this site - cheers!

Michael Anthony

author comment

to Neo. I found myself remembering when I taught my second wife to drive! She was just eighteen! She was fresh and beautiful and I was older by seven years. I followed your words and remembered my nonchalantness as I gazed upon her
trying to master the task. I too am an old book aficianado and have read many, many old heavy tomes. You connected rather well with this reader. Your title drew me in, the content flowed well from beginning to end. Very nice. ~ Geezer.
.

Comments and critique are vital to this site!
Even if you just say: I liked this story or your spelling
of a word is wrong, take the time to write a line or two
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Appreciate you sharing your thoughts about my poem Geezer! I left out the part where she hit the brakes too hard and I ended up with a cut on my forehead from hitting the dash. I didn't care though; I was in love...

Michael Anthony

author comment

"your smile competing with the sun"
excellent l;ine perfect

Chrys

check out our chat room open to all 24/7

Thanks for taking the time to comment CLB! I'll give the chat room a try soon.

Michael Anthony

author comment

i tried to teach my wife
landed in the drain

the recovery man wanted
more than the insurance claim
I left my car i
n the drain
for my broken third leg
made a MASSIVE
medical claim
all my life played
maim

This is the line, the turn, in the poem... i am left wondering about “the broken.” That line caught me, and captured my attention.

Would you care to tell us what you meant there?

Thanks for this piece.

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Raywhitakerblog.wordpress.com
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Thanks for taking the time Ray. With the "beautifully broken" line, and other parts of the poem, I was trying to capture the turmoil many experience when very young, and transitioning into adulthood; often a very difficult time in people's lives. Hopefully, the poem's logic conveys this, but maybe I've some thinking to do in regard to this. Cheers!

Michael Anthony

author comment

There are very few pieces i’ve written that i am 100% satisfied with. ‘Course it all comeS out perfectly at the time of writing... LOL.

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Raywhitakerblog.wordpress.com
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I helped teach my future wife to drive by letting her drive the hay truck lol. I enjoyed your poem but think you might give a broader hint as to whether the girl became your wife

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