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Oiling The Hinge (October Contest)

Looking through the window of my mind
I remember all that is sorrowful
and all that has brought me joy

It’s not always easy to open
Sometimes I need a reminder
to keep it well-greased
Memory is a true miracle
and indeed well worth the maintenance

The imagery that I see inside
is a powerful minefield
I can run away or face my fears
confronting my very own ghosts

Opening my memoirs to moments
that I wouldn’t change for anything
closing to those that I wish to forget

If I keep hope deep within my mind
I can achieve everything.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
I couldnt find the actual contest on contest button. this is an entry. Thank you Neo for the ever inspiration.
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

peek into the window of the narrator's mind Teddy. I would love to know who it is.
As I read it I might be tempted to swap  'Who'  for  'That'  (st. 4, L.3) and wouldn't refrain  'Anything'  in your penultimate line.  Maybe change to  'I can achieve everything'.  Just a thought from the old, cracked window of my mind (I know that I am a pane!).

Go well just now.
 

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Critique is a compliment
Kind regards, Alan
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Thank you. I'm proud that you see something in my poem, especially the positivity that you have given to it.

Thank you...Teddy

author comment

I am not that familiar with the windows that pivot on hinges,
as most here in the U.S.slide up and down on sashes and would be greased;
I had to take a minute to re-imagine that. This aside, I found your poem
easy enough to follow. A couple of changes i would make, include:

Line 3- and that which is now joyful. The use of [all that]
too close in proximity.

Line 1- third stanza [The] imagery that...

Fourth stanza: I would use [memories] rather than memoirs,
.it just sounds better and delete the [who] in the last line.

A great use of the window! Good luck in the contest! ~ Geez.
.

Our Chatroom is open 24/7 Feel free to use it for
keeping in touch We have poets around the world and it is fun
to have real-time conversations with those that are up
all night or on the other side of the world.
.

I hope it reads better now, Thank you. Windows are different in the Uk to those here in Italy too. I had to recearch parts of the window! I hope you are impressed.

Thank you...Teddy

author comment

I think that it reads better now. What matters, is that you be satisifed with the results. After all, this is your work. Very good too. ~ Geez.
.

Our Chatroom is open 24/7 Feel free to use it for
keeping in touch We have poets around the world and it is fun
to have real-time conversations with those that are up
all night or on the other side of the world.
.

i totally appreciate (The) in front of imagery it makes its own argument now, also on my first stanza, i hope it reads better, Its brand new and of course, for now i will keep memoir as its quite me. I cannot thank you all enough for your genrous reviews and time.

Thank you...Teddy

author comment

and done away with  'Memoirs'   it may be worth while considering  'Anamneses'   in your St. 4, L.1.  It saves repeating 'Memory (memories)'.

.......................................
Critique is a compliment
Kind regards, Alan
.......................................

I deeply appreciate your ideas and those of Geezer, i have gone back to use memoirs, big words are not my style of poetry so i really appreciate the help i recieve. I shall step back now and let it sit.

Thank you...Teddy

author comment

instead of Memoirs or related words that have the root in Mem., why not use the word "recollections"? BTW, those hinged windows open toward the outside as I recall when I was on duty at a Consulate in Hamburg.. Can be dangerous. lol. Great poem, you have my vote. Jerry

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>Please visit my website: www.jerrykspoetry.com

I hope you feel a bit better, I like your suggestion, I will leave it to sit it's fresh this morning so will think on all ideas. Thank you so much for your kind review.

Thank you...Teddy

author comment

Why did I even bother entering the contest? Very good free verse

i did wonder? LOL oh you are one of the best and your poem rocks, i wonder why i did! but thanks for the really cool shout out, if you are the judge remember this conversation!!!! LMAO! Love you Stan

Thank you...Teddy

author comment

I am not the judge and I have no idea who is

I was only pulling your leg!

Thank you...Teddy

author comment

naw, I wouldn't use oil. How about WD-40, or some other non-oil lubricant that doesn't build up? Even alight coat of vaseline might be better than engine-or sewing machine oil, even gun-oil. (Just trying to lubricate things.) Helpful? How about spray-on Teflon?
Do I get hugged for being sooooo smart? LOL. Jerry

>
>
>Please visit my website: www.jerrykspoetry.com

I'll have to think about it! Thanks JK

Thank you...Teddy

author comment
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