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OH NO!

I've got to go on a crash diet
and grow a head of hair.
Whatever works, well I shall try it
to stop my head from being bare.

I need to trim my mustache neat
and shave 'most every day
and again, watch what I eat
so some of me will go away.

Trim the hair in ears and nose
clip nails on fingers and on toes
use drops to allay bloodshot eyes
work out the jiggle in my thighs.

Can't do much about my limp
but everybody knows I'm gimp.
I'll go to dentist, he'll bequeath
some of that stuff that whitens teeth.

I need to buy some new clothes too,
my old wardrobe just will not do,
and get new shoes for my big feet.
Transformation needs to be complete.

Got to do this all real fast,
remaining time will not long last.
Why worry 'bout how fast time passes?
My better half is getting glasses!

Last few words: 
I know I'm not eligible to win so I'm entering twice lol
Editing stage: 

Comments

You sure know how to make a great contest for this month, how the hell am I going to even get second place if this is the first entry,
I shall go to my cave and research some of the writings on the walls,
Yours in awe Ian..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

Its actually the 3rd entry after Rula's and mine. Will be waiting for yours now.

Alid

I haven't had a chance to write anything yet,
so I will gladly wait lol,
Yours Ian

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

I entered two because it looked like a bit of momentum might be needed and to also show that humor and poetry Can go together......stan (plus, as I said, I'm not eligible to win anyway so why not be so with 2 poems)

author comment

You need an overall maintenance. Bet Suzan will like the new Stan.
Keep us up to date please, will you?

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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Because you are not eligible which Susan will love to hear, I shall send you a prize anyway, for your usual great workshops and mentoring of them.
I was walking along the beach the other day and I found an old stone from near the beginning of time,
Why did I think of you, rotflmao, Robin Hood bay and 125 million years ago, I wonder what your poems were like then???
Loves yu old hill billy of the forest plains,
My best thoughts to you both,
Yours as always, Ian

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

No, I've not been eligible for over 40 years lol.......stan

author comment

I have posted your prize today, so it will be with you in a few days or so Hope you can show your grandchildren, and talk about the things that were here long before man cast his shadow on this Earth lol.
Take care, I am still waiting for a comment or two on my May entry in case I need to change a word or two to win this time.
I have to go to the dentist tomorrow and he will probably say that all my half teeth have to come out.
I thought that as we grew older we became long in the tooth mine seem to break in half so they is shorter lol.
Will talk later so be good, Yours, Ian

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

Hilarious for sure ...a big challenge for other contestants...

raj (sublime_ocean)

contest director can't win but thanks for the sentiment.......stan

author comment

Funny Stan .... shame you're not in the running - I reckon this one would be a winner -

I love the rhyme scheme - especially that of 'diet' and 'try it' ... clever that one

Can I suggest, for rhythm, you drop the ' on' before 'toes' and 'use' in the next verse in stanza three?
And also the last verse of the fifth stanza is a little bulky to my ear
... can I suggest 'for transformation to be complete' ??

enjoyed - good punch line
Love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

I shook the cobwebs off this old thing and brought it back just for the contest. Think I'll give the dropping "on" some thought but reckon I'll leave s-5,l-4 as is. Glad you gat a giggle from this.....stan

author comment
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