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Oh Loveless Heart Indeed!

An angry beast, sterile, still
decays the gut with choking weed.
congesting, foul with dark green hue
if ignored without heed.

Gripped inside the sputum sack
it fuels the flames of hatreds dart
spitting poison at weakened flesh
to pierce the flaccid heart.

An infection, vile, rotten
festers and oozes through the lips
spewing venom, re-brewed and stirred,
feverish as it drips.

A slow demise, steady, sure
spasm's cries of constant pain
sicking up a fountain of death
which foams up to the brain.

A corpse lays, bruised and battered
this evil creature takes it's toll,
So watch out for this ghostly beast
that eats away the soul.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
Dark one I know - I wrote it quite a few years ago!
Editing stage: 


anymore like this, mand?


No - but I'll look to writing some more in the future! He he

Thanks for droppin in Alid! Muchly appreciated - see you soon.

Love Mand xxxx

author comment

Such gripping imagery and diabolic subject matter from you! I was literally amazed and entranced! You have done well with this one, young lady!

Wrote this one awhile ago! - must have been menopausal at the time. He he If there are any psychologists about I think they might have something to say about the dark side of my personality. he he

It's not been my usual type of poem - I think it has come as a bit of a shock!

Nice of you to read and comment Lonnie - it's always good to have your visit!

Love to you

Mand xxxx

author comment

What can I say? Nothing...just feeling the intensity of the said and unsaid...

Much love..

raj (sublime_ocean)

it is somewhat intense isn't it!! probably the most intense poem I've written to date - it even makes me shudder and I wrote it. lol

Thanks for reading Raj - I hope you didn't end up with nightmares!

Love Mand xxxx

author comment

No nightmares here, just pleasantly shocked to read this side of your poetry, which is testimony of your getting more n more versatile.

Much love and best wishes..

raj (sublime_ocean)

You've lost it gal those men in the white suits is on their way I told them about you as they put me in my lovely white room.
You will like it here you can run at the walls without a care, for they is soft just like me and half the people that write poetry..
Good darkness there Mand well done,
Yours Ian.T

There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Aaaa the white room - that's serious! lol I'm looking forward to running at the walls - as I cry out in hysterical laughter!. Whaa ha ha ha - being around all that softness might do something for my oft rabid personality. Lol

Digit might have meet his match!

Thanks Ian - Hope to visit you soon!

Love Mand xxx

author comment
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