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Oh Lord, have Mercy on Me

Submitted by raj on Thu, 2015-04-02 14:33

From this sea of humanity
when I would seek tranquility
Oh Lord, please have Mercy on me
I pray to be a humble bee

While I flirt around maiden heads
singing songs of your divine grace
to sip their nectar in sheer glee
I pray to be a humble bee

Gliding merry in wind and rain
to scatter potent pollen grain
Oh Lord please have mercy on me
I pray to be a humble bee

Looking up to my next abode
in search of the immortal code
to be what i would love to be
I pray to be a humble bee

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

judyanne

Sat, 2015-04-04 10:10

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It is a really good kyrielle - fits the stipulations

I don't understand why you keep putting yourself down as per your 'last few words'... but I have to tell you that I think it is getting silly, and you need to stop. The fact that you have written a kyrielle, then say what you did, brings out feelings, in me, of impatience with you.

love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

raj

Sat, 2015-04-04 10:59

Thanks for your time and read. Last few words deleted.

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

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wesley snow

Sat, 2015-04-04 16:34

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You constantly degrade yourself to no end. You ARE one the "elite" poets at NeoPoet. Your poems receive a healthy dose of attention (no talent poets don't get that), your critiques are taken seriously (no talent poets are not) and your involvement in workshops is always welcome.
I am not impatient with you but I do wish you the piece of mind in knowing these things and wish you were able to stop tearing the poet apart.
He is a precious thing.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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mand

Sat, 2015-04-04 10:26

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this was a shear delight to read - I loved the subject and the flow. I thought it very imaginative. :)

Second stanza, first two verses didn't rhyme ( ignore, of course, if you intended it that way )

Love to you :)

Mand xxxx

raj

Sat, 2015-04-04 11:02

Thanks for the read and your time.

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

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lovedly

Sat, 2015-04-04 12:03

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OH Lord have mercy on all of us
as we all behave so muchleee....

raj

Sat, 2015-04-04 14:18

Thanks Lovedly for your time and read

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

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Sparrow

Sun, 2015-04-05 04:57

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This could win the April contest, it is great,
Yours Ian

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

raj

Sun, 2015-04-05 04:58

Thanks Ian for your time and read. I am not participating in the contest

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

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Sparrow

Sun, 2015-04-05 05:02

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Y Y Y Y Y Y Y Yours Ian.

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

alidzain

Mon, 2015-04-06 16:25

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to me this is sublime. I agree with everyone here. You're one of the strong poets here and I wouldn't have improved much without your aid and reading your poems. Don't think you're a lesser poet, you are very good in imagery and your works have inspired me to continue to think out of the box to find more variety in my theme selection for my works. I'm still not good in imagery and I wished I have half of your talent in it, my friend. Believe in yourself.

Alid

raj

Mon, 2015-04-06 23:14

Thanks Alid for your time, read and comment

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

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Rula

Mon, 2015-04-06 16:28

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Have you intentionally used the refrain on the third line, Stanza 1?

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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raj

Mon, 2015-04-06 23:16

Thanks Rula for your time and read.

As for refrain, this is not for any contest

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

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Seren

Fri, 2016-03-11 05:47

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This is a beautifully brilliant write I hope you entered it in the comp its up there with your best work

So happy I found this tonight I needed something to calm my mind

Love and biggest hugs Jayne x

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

raj

Fri, 2016-03-11 13:49

Thanks again Jayne. Very nice of you to bring this one up in stream with your appreciative comment...I had forgotten about this one really...your comment brought on a smile...

much love and warm hugs...be well...

raj (sublime_ocean)

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