Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

ODE TO THE NEGLECTED ( April contest)

O I recall, yes I recall
not so very long ago
how there upon the off white wall
you were always there prepared to go.

Butt time has passed as is its way
yet you were there always as needed.
I neglected you in life's fast fray
your pleas for fulfillment unheeded.

The cleanliness of my whole world
you supplied without complaint
But your patience, like time, unfurled.
i used you up without constraint.

Till here I am in need again.
This time I turn and you are gone
leaving me in the situation I'm in:
out of toilet paper in the darkness of predawn.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)
Last few words: 
pretty crappy ode eh?
Editing stage: 

Comments

Ha ha ha ha. Buttiful.

I'm not sure if a bit of humor is allowed in an ode but what the heck, I'm never eligible to win a contest so why Not have some fun

author comment

this is "sensitive subject matter, don't critique harshly." the jokes don't stop! lol

if anybody would catch that lol

author comment

as an ode to toilet paper....
read it aloud - the pace and meter is distracted by a few bumps, especially the last line, the most important. way off meter.
Because it's already there, I would make it a sonnet- just make the last 2 lines a rhymed couplet by cutting a few lines around the poem to fit it, a standard 14 line sonnet.
As to the butt vs but ... I'm not really sure that works...

The idea is there and it did fool me in the end. It's almost there. Make it shine...like the subject of the poem.

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

Yeah most of us in the west like toilet paper lol. Change this to a sonnet? Hmmmm.....I hate trying to write sonnets because in my attempts they always seem overwhelmed by the syllable count. But I Do see where changing this particular poem to a sonnet might allow for an easy cure to last line being so long. But for now I'm gonna leave this be until contest is over. Thanks for dropping the idea off

author comment

do not consider that a sonnet has to be iambic pentameter. Since Keats poets have been stretching the exactness of exact structured meter in a sonnet, focusing on the rhyme and couplet end, using 14 lines in a variety of ways. some are one stanza (Shakespeare) some are multi stanza's 3x4 lines and a coda of 2. like haiku there's a lot of variation. Every famous classical composer took the sonata form and stretched it. We can do the same with sonnets.

The reason this should be a sonnet is because of the structure and feel, The sonnet is best at delivering the punch line in a poem just like this....you set it up and then bam at the end...that's a good sonnet.

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

in a sonnet shop here and of course it Required exacting foot counts which each time I tried it sounded "wrong". But since some variation is allowed I might well rewrite this as a sonnet after contest closes.

author comment

Excellent poem. I am also entering this months comp but I really feel that this ones going to be hard to beat. Butt lol hahaha

Excellent poem

Love and hugs

J xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

I hope you are doing better. As to beating this poem, no worries. I'm contest director and thus ineligible to win. I enter to increase excitement for contests. I look forward to reading your entry and thanks for taking time to read this scribble...........stan

author comment

it's so big a subject! LoL Maybe I will write an ode to the throne! Nice ode to keeping it clean. I'm not old enough to remember having to use corn cobs and leaves, but I've heard about it! Must have been pretty rough! ~ Gee.
.

Comments and critique are a vital part of our community!
Critique or comment today!

When using corn cobs you gotta make sure you do it right. There are 2 colors of corn cobs depending on what type corn they come from. There are red ones and white ones. First one uses the red then one uses the white to check and see if you need to use another redial. This was back in the days when one had to use cobs after you ran out of Sears catalogue pages...........

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.