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An Ode To My Smart Phone [March Contest]

Submitted by Rula on Tue, 2018-03-06 01:57

I used to have a Galaxy 3,
but now I wanna be up-to-date
I'll give the old one just for free,
and buy the latest, that's Note 8.

I'll always slip it in my pocket
and sleep with it every night.
My dreams come true when the net
is faster with a 4G byte.

You know how much cell-phones are dear,
for they would keep us all in touch,
so I'll never have the fear,
of losing friends that mean so much.

I pray to God night and day
to keep my smart phone forever safe,
without it sure I'll lose my way,
and be an idiot vagabond waif.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
Give me a reason to write and I will. Thank you dear Stan for conducting these contests.
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Contest: 
Ode To The Cellphone [March contest]

Comments

raj

Tue, 2018-03-06 04:35

So good to see you make an appearance as an early bird to this contest...wonderful expressions about how darling your smart phone is to you...it also introduced me to the word "waif" and made me reach out to the dictionary to know what it is...the contest rules provide for less than 30 lines and you are well within that mark..in fact you could add more if you want to ..lots of time to do it till April 5th

best wishes...

raj (sublime_ocean)

Rula

Tue, 2018-03-06 09:10

Rula's picture
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I'm really grateful. Without your support I wouldn't have made it. I am really happy to know that you like it. I believe many will be happy to write this ode so I'll be patiently waiting for others' contributions, and of course yours
Thank you for your time and the kind visit.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Please follow me on Instagram
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author comment

raj

Tue, 2018-03-06 14:03

No big deal to make a suggestion to a deserving friend who I have come to understand over time has such love for poetry and is very studious about it too even though she has achieved a good level of knowledge and success...

I am not sure as yet if I would be participating in this contest...
----------------------------

raj (sublime_ocean)

Geezer

Wed, 2018-03-07 13:41

Geezer's picture
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would have a little humorous twist at the end! Good job, Rula.
~ Gee.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Rula

Fri, 2018-03-09 15:46

Rula's picture
Volunteer badge

Still trying to come back and move forward.
Your comment and visit iz highly appreciated.
Thank you

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Please follow me on Instagram
https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

author comment

gregwa8

Mon, 2018-05-07 01:52

gregwa8's picture

funny poem. of all the things that we rely on, a lover or a friend or family members, our phones seem to be on the top of the list. precisely because they keep us in touch with one another. a good look at modern life in a playful rhyming poem.

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