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The Ocean

Submitted by washing tears on Sat, 2015-12-12 02:33

In the herd, I saw you
The silence, deafening truth
And the boat lies waiting
Still your arms are flailing
And in the sky, you are waiting….

What have I lost? An ocean.
Now I am drifting in pollution
In this sandbox of love….

What have I lost? An ocean.
And am I going through the motions,
In this lost art of love?

It keeps you in the saddle
It keeps you in the sky
You’ll sleep like a child
Knowing we are all wild

In this ocean of love

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
I am back?
Editing stage: 
Editing - draft

Comments

Sparrow

Thu, 2015-12-17 19:21

Sparrow's picture
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Loved the story and the flow, just a few things that needs attention, starting a line with AND is a non, where the and is usually redundant.
Nothing too much to edit, A good write..
Yours Ian..

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Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

Esker

Sat, 2015-12-19 23:47

Esker's picture

fave line....keeps U in the saddle...
thank U

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