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OBSERVER OBSERVED

There's a wren here at my house,
Every midmorning he's there.
I've never seen him with his spouse.
He must keep her hid somewhere.

But every day he's at my deck
hopping doing what wrens do.
A little jaunty brownish speck
there at the door I look through.

He has become set in his ways,
each day he makes his wrennish rounds.
(I wonder upon what he preys)
Far as I know he makes no sounds.

He'll stop, it seems, to study me
on his daily habitual way.
Sometimes I wonder does he see
me writing drivel every day.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

...which were more than enough! lol.

only kidding, The Man.

'at the door that I look through'
slides better, methinks, as does,

'He's very much set in his ways....

(I wonder what upon he preys),
his actions activate no sounds.'

enjoyed. thank you.

g

Appreciate your time to read and comment. And your suggestions will be considered when this scribble gets its inevitable edit

author comment

yes
then he too may compose poetry

Have you seen a humorist
commentator around
appearing recently

Perhaps the wren composes its own type poetry but we just don't know how to perceive it. What humorist do you refer to?

author comment

''The Hour of Departure''

Which has caught the eye
of the bestest
poets here

lol

The real world has been soaking up a lot of my time lately

author comment

Stan whenever
its deep rooted
sadness

A great depiction of these hippity hoppity little birds. They and mocking birds are the ones that wake me up too early. I forgive them for it though, because they eat bugs.

I don't think you've ever written a piece of drivel in your life!!! I think Gunnar's suggestions are sound except the one to reverse "what" and "upon", but you know it's up to you.

Kelsey

Advocates Coordinator

Critique, don't comment. Neopoet is a workshop and is designed to share your poetry, receive and make critique of the work posted, and most importantly, for you to evolve as a poet.

www.kelsey-burroughs.weebly.com

I once had a neighbor who owned a rooster that crowed at 4 in the morning........very tempted many times to have fried chicken lol. I'm still thinking about edits for this poem and all suggestions will be considered when I sharpen my edit pen. Good to see you drop in for a visit.......stan

author comment
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