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Now (Rhyming Patterns workshop revision 1)

Submitted by BlueDemon77 on Sun, 2012-08-19 15:10

Now (Rhyming Patterns workshop revision 1 Ron BlueDemon77)

A Rhyme pattern workshop it is indeed
to help us to germinate a small seed
to guage precision when limits are set
it can help this poem, many more yet!

A classroom, a guideline for each of us
meant as a forum where we can discuss
form poems that teach us disciplined craft
free style is still there the classicist laughed

writers in search of the flawless next word
will find themselves here in flight like a bird
If a runner wears weights muscles gain strength
poetry with a scalpel not a monkey wrench
Just a reply, Yours Ron BlueD

or if you're right..Ian

A rhyming place for all to see
To see if we can write in rhyme
especially made for you and me
I hope my entry is in time

Run by Stan the So and so
but give your best so you can see
This is a workshop you all know
What's Rhyme to do with poetry.

Style / type:

Structured: Western

Review Request (Intensity):

I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Review Request (Direction):

How was my language use?

What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?

How does this theme appeal to you?

How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Is the internal logic consistent?

Last few words:

My version, then a second version cross-pollinated between Ian's idea and my own. Personally, I like mine better...hehe. Ron

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Workshop:

RHYME PATTERNS (part 1) let's begin

Comments

scribbler

Sun, 2012-08-19 21:58

hello

Hmmm.....The longer lines help offset the propensity for the aabb pattern to be as SS as it usually. But you left out the part where I'm called names lol.................stan

BlueDemon77

Mon, 2012-08-20 10:54

HaHa! Stan!

I promise it will not happen again!.....lol

Ron

Blue Demon77

"What I want is to be what I was before the knife,
before the brooch pin, before the salve, fixed me in this parenthesis:
Horses fluent in the wind. A place, a time gone out of mind."

The Eye Mote-Sylvia Plath

author comment

Ian.T

Mon, 2012-08-20 03:35

Ron

Yep your revision of my poem or skit as I will call it is great..
I will need to talk to that task master Stan about what we were supposed to do..
My first ditty was AABB and i was under the impression that the next stage was a rewrite using a changed pattern, Then a rewrite of the whole thing...
My original being:-

A rhyming place for all to see
Especially made for you and me
To see if we can write in rhyme
I hope my entry is in time

This is a workshop you all know
Run by Stan the so and so
But give your best so we can see
What's rhyme to do with poetry

Just a thought, Yours Ian.T

Then the change I gave you now the word change to make it a better piece lol...
I wonder who is write/right Right ?????, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

BlueDemon77

Mon, 2012-08-20 11:14

Not Sure!

I didn't see anything that specific in the syllabus. My own write for this had five distinct drafts, one of which I did the five stanzas as tri-dactyl meter, iambic triameter, iambic tetrameter, and iambic pentameter.

Ron

Blue Demon77

"What I want is to be what I was before the knife,
before the brooch pin, before the salve, fixed me in this parenthesis:
Horses fluent in the wind. A place, a time gone out of mind."

The Eye Mote-Sylvia Plath

author comment

weirdelf

Thu, 2012-08-30 05:57

Well done and witty

good rhyme too.

But may I suggest that in workshops you actually try to write a poem. Self-reflexiviity has always shat me to tears.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Neopoet

Now (Rhyming Patterns workshop revision 1)