Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
NOT OF THIS WORLD
Should you see me standing still
eyes unfocused, far away
I'm visiting some wooded hill
where I walked one bygone day.
Or sitting looking at the sky
attention lost amongst the blue
perhaps emmiting a slight sigh.
I'm not really next to you.
The real me only visits here
stopping off from time to time
to check on those whom I hold dear
or dash off some short clumsy rhyme.
Beyond the trails is my true home
where trees are tall and hills are steep,
the places deer and bobcats roam
not among the human sheep.
I prefer a seat of loam
against a beech on a hill side
to one made of plastic foam
where no living things can hide
So let me walk my wilding way
each day at least a little while
that world of green and mossy gray
which lends to me this quiet smile.
Should you choose to stand by me
taking a pause from world of men
sharing everything I see
I welcome you to this small fen.
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words:
Was going to take a few days rest from writing but instead This popped into empty head lol
Editing stage:
Contest:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
Nordic cloud
Sat, 2012-03-24 03:46
This quiet smile.
This is, as someone said on another site - to die for,
stan I don't know what to say, every word rang true,
I felt as you did exactly while you wrote it,
a harmonious understanding that is in us
expressed here so well, so unaffectedly,
so beautifully....sigh.
Ann.
"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.
scribbler
Sat, 2012-03-24 08:35
Jeeze Ann
Don't Die for it lol. Many people doubtless wonder why so much of my stuff has to do with the forests and fields. I was a big city kid until about the age of 12. That's when dad retired from navy and moved back to S.C. and built a little house just into the country. I had only glimpsed the world of nature during short trips afield until then. I slowly began to Really see the world when I became a part of it. There is plenty of angry poetry being written. So I try to let people come along with me to the peaceful places. My job has become such that it doesn't require full attention at all times so when my mind wanders it goes where it feels most alive. Now Shut The Hell Up! stan lol. Thanks for visiting and such kind remark................stan
author commentBarbara Writes
Sat, 2012-03-24 09:07
really beautiful Stan
I thought the title was great sñd the flow superb. It ssng nicely in my head as I read it.
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
scribbler
Sat, 2012-03-24 12:21
Hi Barb
I am always pleased when someone sees a bit of beauty in one of my attempts. Just don't ask me to parse it lol. Thanks for the visit.........stan
author commentloved
Sat, 2012-03-24 12:43
After reading your lovely song
I thought of visiting your profile
no wonder you are the only author of style
worthy of your while
and
thus I always say
Stan
you are the only man...
loved
loved
Sat, 2012-03-24 14:18
I SEE TOO MANY UNREAD POEMS
IS NEOPOET BECOMING LESS POPUAR NOW ADAYS
loved
scribbler
Sat, 2012-03-24 16:48
hi loved
Thank you for the kind words. As to unread poems, I think the influx of new people are getting more attention at the expense of us older people. You know how novelty works . Plus this time of year a lot of people have hectic schedules and plenty of time to read but not enough to leave many comments. I think the influx of new people indicates shows that Neo is at least holding its own in popularity if not growing. As always, I appreciate the visit........stan
author commentloved
Sun, 2012-03-25 11:38
So beautifully put across...
So beautifully put across
in simple dialogue
Old was once gold,
now as gold is becoming expensive,
silver is being considered
as white gold
and
older poets like us,
may now get sold
in the cold...
loved
scribbler
Sun, 2012-03-25 17:22
hi
Not to worry. Like a pendelum the rates of response will level off when new members start reading others.......stan
author commentNordic cloud
Sun, 2012-03-25 13:39
Or getting silver
Mine is white on the way to silver, but when the sun shines its silver. I think!!!
"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.
scribbler
Sun, 2012-03-25 17:24
Hi Ann
Some turns white and some turns grey
Mine turned loose and went away lol.............stan
author commentNordic cloud
Tue, 2012-03-27 03:52
where they oughten't to be
There are a lot more colours than just grey in mine,
there are little darker memories among the light ones,
then when wet they go quite dark again,
but damned if I can find them when
they fall here and there and where they oughten't to be
then I'm all at SEE. Lol ann.
"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.
loved
Tue, 2012-03-27 04:38
It made me smile.... Stan the hunorist
It made me smile
The thing once hard as steel
does go and gets sealed
as casted steel
and
then the looseness
without peels
is the standard seal ,
we share with a smile
and
glances steal..
don’t LOL
PLEASE RFOL
Maybe…
loved
scribbler
Sun, 2012-05-13 08:14
Hi loved
The problem with rotfl is getting back up off the floor...........stan
author commentjudyanne
Sun, 2012-05-13 09:28
a very peaceful scribble scribbler
loved the read
great rhyme
- rhythm slightly rough to my ears - but i know that's what you like to achieve
(or i presume it is when you say you want you poetry to sound as if it is normal speech)
i only have a personal opinion to offer here
in 'attention lost among the blue'
i'd suggest change 'among' to 'amongst'
- to my ear it sounds more aesthetic... - thus sky-like
and you have used 'among' in
'not among the human sheep'
where to me that version/ spelling and the visuals involved fit better
love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
scribbler
Sun, 2012-05-13 09:58
Hi Judy
I am always suprised when a minor edit which sends a poem back to head of stream also brings about new commentary. I think your amongst idea is a good one and I will thus steal it from you lol...........stan
author commentRoscoe Lane
Sun, 2012-05-13 09:36
Stan,
Stan i know that state of being, i live it. My son sent a picture of Ben Nevis today as he passed en route. My heart and mind travel home constantly, but i could not have worded it so beautifully. Great poem. Regards Roscoe..
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
scribbler
Sun, 2012-05-13 10:01
Hi Roscoe
Thanks for popping in on this old retread lol. You know, I think most people inhabit 2 worlds and often at the same time..................stan
author commentBarbara Writes
Sat, 2020-03-21 11:12
hi Stan
love this one it inspired my blackberry run poem. Let me walk the wilding way my favorite line.
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
scribbler
Sat, 2020-03-21 11:45
Hi Carolina girl
Surprised anybody found this oldie lol. Stay safe
author commentBarbara Writes
Sat, 2020-03-21 17:10
hey stan
stay safe
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
scribbler
Wed, 2020-03-25 23:22
Hi Alan
I am pleased you came by. I'll consider the staring/looking idea on next edit
author commentSparrow 42
Thu, 2020-03-26 20:49
Stan
Loved this one it is one of your best ones
Though it ended too soon,
I was waiting for a little more,
Maybe just another Stanza, to let us rest from the journey and either to return Home or drift away ... Yours as always, Ian
Words can build a nation
scribbler
Thu, 2020-03-26 23:38
Hi Ian
A little bird told me birthday wishes are in order. Happy 39th .
author commentSparrow 42
Fri, 2020-03-27 04:44
Stan
You are very good at division, Now multiply by 2. lol
If I was 39 I would be in paradise lol...
Great to see you writing I have been very lazy of late am not sure how long this drought of thinking to write will last but I am still here lol.
It is coming into Spring and every thing is breaking out, so you be careful that the Virus doesn't break out near you..
Take care and love to all,
Yours as always Ian ..
Words can build a nation