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Not Fade Away
My fever dream seethes me back to you
I am holding you close
with a desperate tenderness
You are saying goodbye,
but I’m somewhere else
in my fortress of doubt
Your offhand remarks,
the taking a powder looks,
should have made It clear
you were already gone
But dusty blue eyes
and a peach tree smile
give up their secrets reluctantly
Still, I hold on tighter
so you will not fade away
into the black of the night
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Last few words:
A few thoughts on relationships that are on completely different pages.
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Region & Country
San Francisco Bay Area - USA
Favorite Poets
Bukowski, Billy Collins
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Comments
Geezer
Tue, 2021-01-12 12:12
Makes me think...
of the time I was dating an older girl, [I was a mere fifteen, she was days away from being twenty] and told her I loved her.
She responded with an under the breath "Oh shit!" and that was when I knew it was over. I didn't have to ask "What is that supposed to mean?" LoL ~Geez.
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Michael Anthony
Tue, 2021-01-12 12:26
Only funny after the pain
Only funny after the pain went away, I'm sure - thanks Geez!
Michael Anthony
author commentGeezer
Wed, 2021-01-13 09:03
Yes...
It's true, the pain of the moment is often the worst and as you gain experience in affairs of romance, you find that it is all part of the learning experience; and that, is the balm that soothes the battered heart. ~ Geez.
.
Comments and critique are vital to this site!
Even if you just say: I liked this story or your spelling
of a word is wrong, take the time to write a line or two
and comment. Your fellow poets will thank you!
.
Lavender
Tue, 2021-01-12 12:44
Not Fade Away
Hello, Michael,
"Your offhand remarks..." This stanza is so raw and good, it stings. Excellent poem.
Thank you!
L
Michael Anthony
Wed, 2021-01-13 09:51
Thanks for sharing your
Thanks for sharing your thoughts Lavender. The living of that stanza provided several more verses, but it was a challenge to pare it down to what really mattered for the poem.
Best
Michael Anthony
author commentLavender
Wed, 2021-01-13 09:55
Hello, Michael,
For me, that stanza could stand alone as a poem, a thought in itself. It is piercing.
Thank you!
L
Michael Anthony
Tue, 2021-01-12 18:00
Thanks as always Teddy! I
Thanks as always Teddy! I always enjoy your thoughtful comments, and glad you liked this one. Affirmative on the fan advice, LOL! I may steal your "jazz in your poetry heart" for my poetry notes journal - love this!
Best
Michael Anthony
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