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Not Fade Away
My fever dream seethes me back to you
I am holding you close
with a desperate tenderness
You are saying goodbye,
but I’m somewhere else
in my fortress of doubt
Your offhand remarks,
the taking a powder looks,
should have made It clear
you were already gone
But dusty blue eyes
and a peach tree smile
give up their secrets reluctantly
Still, I hold on tighter
so you will not fade away
into the black of the night
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Last few words:
A few thoughts on relationships that are on completely different pages.
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Geezer
Tue, 2021-01-12 12:12
Makes me think...
of the time I was dating an older girl, [I was a mere fifteen, she was days away from being twenty] and told her I loved her.
She responded with an under the breath "Oh shit!" and that was when I knew it was over. I didn't have to ask "What is that supposed to mean?" LoL ~Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Michael Anthony
Tue, 2021-01-12 12:26
Only funny after the pain
Only funny after the pain went away, I'm sure - thanks Geez!
Michael Anthony
Geezer
Wed, 2021-01-13 09:03
Yes...
It's true, the pain of the moment is often the worst and as you gain experience in affairs of romance, you find that it is all part of the learning experience; and that, is the balm that soothes the battered heart. ~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Lavender
Tue, 2021-01-12 12:44
Not Fade Away
Hello, Michael,
"Your offhand remarks..." This stanza is so raw and good, it stings. Excellent poem.
Thank you!
L
Michael Anthony
Wed, 2021-01-13 09:51
Thanks for sharing your
Thanks for sharing your thoughts Lavender. The living of that stanza provided several more verses, but it was a challenge to pare it down to what really mattered for the poem.
Best
Michael Anthony
Lavender
Wed, 2021-01-13 09:55
Hello, Michael,
For me, that stanza could stand alone as a poem, a thought in itself. It is piercing.
Thank you!
L
Michael Anthony
Tue, 2021-01-12 18:00
Thanks as always Teddy! I
Thanks as always Teddy! I always enjoy your thoughtful comments, and glad you liked this one. Affirmative on the fan advice, LOL! I may steal your "jazz in your poetry heart" for my poetry notes journal - love this!
Best
Michael Anthony