Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Nostalgia

Sunset bruised along Fifth Avenue,
staining red
the crumbling ruin
of apartment building

from its cool shadow
came a woman
worn face wearing
too many men
and too much
of their hunger

She caught my gaze
as I strolled by,
dark eyes cold with business
making her desire
a mask of barrier
against all real emotion

she asked me if I wanted
a good time;
I took in the heavy breasts
and wide curve of hips
and thought back to a time
when such things
were worth the money

But instead
I nodded at
the dusty diner
across the weed-strewn street
and said
"I don't have the money,
honey,
but if you're hungry
come have some
dinner with me."

Inside, waiting
in warm kitchen smell
of frying food
and poured coffee
she looked at me
and raised a penciled eyebrow.
"I thought you said
you had no money."
I shrugged.
"Old men have to lie sometimes,"
I said.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

This is a good read. I like the way you describe the place and the people. There's an honest feeling to it.
Everytime I write about prostitutions, it turns into a dark poem. At least this one is more gentle.

Alid

I know what you mean - its difficult to write objectively about topics that you have stong feelings about.
Glad you enjoyed this.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

the young and old
business is the business
our stomachs growl
heroin cocaine meth crack
cola fries chips
rush oblivion
chase
dash
defying death

of all that dream
that slid across
the new mortar
like a cascade of years

hunger is the fresh
drive
hunger for life
for more
or justice
or righteous moment

hungry for just something
new in the old game
like a challenge

i like what the poet wrote
in the above...
the gentleness
the intimacy

i dont trust age now
my eyes going
my legs giving out
on a knee i could
well trust

worth
this use in the poem

desire
sunset on the building
sunset in the eyes
mood setting
seated...
but not yet
take away
maybe

i remember Hoopers paintings
visual poetry of their own...

im not gentle but im working on
this..

i like this poem
very much

thank you

Yeah, old age and looking back at all the messed-up crazy things I did!
And I definitely don't like age. People tell me that there are advantages to being old, but I just don't see them.
Thanks for reading, and the poetic reply.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

Loved it , gave a good twist to reality, Not saying I is old but maybe a good meal takes priority nowadays lol.
Go well, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

I can relate!
Glad that you enjoyed this, Ian.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

Really liked the humor built into it after the build up. I S4 L7 please check out if "dime" works better than "money"..I must say you have profiled the female pretty well too without ogling at her too much..lol......

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

heehee I kinda like that too, the way it creeps up on you at the end!

I don't think that "dime" would work, for me; it's too abrupt, and too american, for me, so I think I'll leave it as is. Its a good suggestion, though.

Thanks my friend.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

This is poetry, there is nothing else I can say, And I absolutely loved your ending its brilliant.

I cant see anything to suggest but I will return tomorrow night, earlier, its half one here I am reading before bed :)

Great poetry hun

love and hugs JC xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

another, more recent, little experience, happening when I went to look at some abandoned property, to rehab.

Glad you enjoyed it!

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

You know I had to come back for another read, and its funny I didn't need you to tell me its true, this poem screams its reality...I have a poem I wrote about a homeless woman next to a fountain, life is poetry you just have to look at the words as they write before you :)

This is Great poetry I think that Brian and Olya would have loved this one

love and hugs JC xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

thanks again Jayne

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

To post a comment
You are wonderful Jim

Many a times
humor
very few understand
of life they make drudgery
and
at times we have to smile
at what we once too did

but as age catches up
we live in a world
bereft of humor
but only moan
sad tis
Many can't help it
Alas!

loved

those who live
their old age
without humor
have lived too long!

;)

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

true
are friend you
lets humor all together
I will join you

loved

I read this before and thought i commented, sadly i had not. Now i'd like to say what i thought the first time i read this, Excellent. Regards Roscoe...

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

Thanks Roscoe!

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.