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Nobody's Child (reworked)

Nobody's Child

Doll-baby

tumbling

of hands of the master

see how she falls with

porcelain

fractures

spidery-web

cracks

all through

the plaster

painted smile

on lips alabaster

broken doll-baby

tumbling faster

spiraling out of control

towards certain disaster

Review Request (Intensity): 
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Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
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Last few words: 
does the spacing of the short lines help to give the impression of falling?
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Comments

your insight is right on the numbers! very perceptive of you. but then I expected nothing less from you my fine and dear friend! but there is a happy ending (years later) the "child" did survive and is loved and functions with respect and compassion. thank you for your well thought out critique and comment.

*hugs, Cat

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author comment

have wonderful hearts..but carry a fascination and desire
of the dark....(mid twenties and up)
Jessica Harrison is an artist who creates horror from
porcelain figurines....
a chum..(female) of mine working then as a dental
assistant brought me home some old rotten teeth
when I sweetly asked her...(not expecting anything)
for some "teeth" for a necklace! (morbid and macabre
yes..but world war two and vietnam etc...these were
ritualistic things young soldiers created..perhaps to
appease the madness gods of war) came home
from work...(friend of a friends) happy to plunk down
a bag full of treasures....(I put them in the ground
with tobacco to respect) Being a joker one sometimes
has to watch things one says...
all of my chums are very intelligent....very driven...
although horrified at the time....I thanked my happy
girl for the brave effort!

the world is full of horror and mean people
some change helping...others continue to
inflict on others the punishment and suffering
they endured..
I find kindness the most rewarding
tool....

thank U for this delightful dark poem
U have such a creative way of writing
Candlewitch!

thank U!

"the world is full of horror and mean people
some change helping...others continue to
inflict on others the punishment and suffering
they endured..
I find kindness the most rewarding
tool...."

you are so very right!!!abuse is often passed on from generation to generation. my great grandfather abused my grand mother and my mother abused me...I took a stand and said, "It stops with me!" I treat people as I wish to be treated to begin with. but I also stand my ground when someone tries to push me around. when I was a teen, my father, who was in "Golden Gloves" taught me to Box, so I could protect myself. I've never started a fight in my life. but have participated in them. I also don't believe that women have the right to hit someone and get away with it, hiding behind their sex. thank you for reading and responding!

*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

I am a lifer..not a one percenter....
no badge no patch I say
less back up..less help but
freedom and a voice is something
the Fam was the Fam
plugged in to the big world

I hit the road..came from a tumulteous
group of well off brilliant and troubled
people..Spoiled rotten! that was us
kids....
Then it was strange...the most hardest
people who went through the most
hardest times got to liking me....became
my friends.....I thought "how nice"
these very tough scrappers and sticker
uppers for themselves and others like
to chum with me.....Only the last year
did I wake up and see its in me.
and that I have taken so much and
pushed back the slick clever ways of
the sick who repress others and
blame their conditions on this kind
of abusive behaviour...
Or gather their little group of supporters
they round up with might...
My chums are all independents
survived many hardships and
come out the other end
still with a heart and soul
I have met many who traded
all that away and just carry
bitterness like a disease

I am glad U decided to work
for the betterment of your
fellow humans
and that your father taught U
his skills....
I know many who spoke of things
their dads did and they did not
teach them anything....the rule
was U learn it like I learned it...
that was not me..
I spent much time helping the
Steppie..."Save U some time kid
heres what this old wolf has learned
dont get sucked into reacting to
anyone...its called baiting...
stand up for yourself but dont get
charged...they just want to drag
U down to your level..."
and many other intuitive perceptions
and perspectives as I am all Intuition
apparently a gift that is very valuable
in the eyes of some groups clans
clubs and organization..
some of which I worked for
in trade for jackets....trinkets..
food...but not cash...

Golden Gloves.....a talented pugilist
I only have known one other...
a navy dad of a friend of mines
its a special man who can take
the time with his daughter
or charge...so many are caught
up in their worlds and just stay
isolated....thinking I pay the bills
put a roof over their heads..
they miss so much!

All my women friends be their
the little spinners....or the bush
women or the ivy leaguers were
handy with knowing how to back
off the msyoginists and the females
who pack up and tear each
other down...
Like my birth mother and my adopted
mother...they had their own crews
and many times I helped my mother
move my aunties from abusive males
in the night moves...

Thank U very much Cat for the poems
and our friendship here..
I appreciate your wisdom
and creativity very much

Mr Wolf!

and your personality from early in contact with you, so I guessed right away where this was going, but as evidenced, even someone unfamiliar with your works, can see that you write with delicious macabre and turn bad experience into great poetry. Thankfully, there are many that escape such madness to become beautiful people like you! ~ Gee.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

it is kind and considerate people like yourself that have kept me going all my life! I deeply appreciate your comments and critiques...thank you :)

*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment
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